No matter how much I care people are still a$$holes

A Wish I Cannot Grant pt.2

2007-07-05T10:07:00.000-04:00

Like I said in the previous post, Lil' Country wants me to be father to her and husband to Go-Go. And apparently this little girl is determined.

I spoke with Go-Go a few weeks ago about things and she relayed a recent conversation she had with LC. It's become apparent that this little girl is determined to get her mother and myself married. Apparently a guy callled the house looking for Go-Go and LC answered the phone. This little seven year starts to drill this grown man about what are his intentions with her mother. In the end she finally tells the guy that her mother cannot see him because she is getting married to another person. That other person being me.

Go-Go is upset and I am ofcourse laughing at the absurdity of the whole thing. Go-Go is now a little upset with me because I laughed at the notion of getting married. She then tells me in a round about way that she does love a little more than just a best friend but understands that I am in NY and that this is just a fantasy that she is having and could never come true.

As flattered as I am, I can't marry Go-Go. We have been friends far too long and been through too much together. Marriage would ultimately ruin us. I love her to death but as a best friend and nothing more. There are people out there that would say if she is your best friend then it would be a perfect life partner.

Negroes please......stop watching Oprah and Tyra and get back to reality.

Besides I need to get married and divorced from Tiffany first before I can consider marrying anybody. And even then my second wife would be Tiff's best friend because she would be consoling me after the divorce. So as you can see I am quite busy with my marriage plans.

Tiffany's Diamond

2007-05-01T15:50:00.000-04:00

Date: March 1,2007

I have landed in Charlotte for the CIAA Tournament. Hanging with my homegirl Tiffany and the Get Fresh Crew. Guess what??!?!? I have found my second wife. It's one of Tiffany's friends, Er'body. Er'body literally knows everybody. If I remember correctly she is a flight attendant by day but in the evening she is trying to get her party promotion business up and going. Every party we went to Er'body knew somebody and the party. But this story isn't about Er'body. It's about Tiffany and the diamond that she wants.

Tiffany has a son that will be going away to school soon and I guess you can sorta say she is having a empty nest syndrome. Though her son has lived with her parent's all his life she has still stayed very active in his life. More than some parents that actually are in the same household as their children. Her family support system is such a strong one that she was able to get her diploma, bachelor's and masters degree. The downside would be that she was not able to spend everyday watching her son grow into the well adjusted fine young man that he is today.

I had a conversation with her about children. She wants another child (a girl I believe but don't hold me to that) but in order to do that would like to be re-married but if she wasn't married she would at least like to have a special "connection" with the father of her child. I sat there and listen very carefully to her as I always try to do. As I stated before Tiffany is my "One" and it does bother me when things don't work out for her when she more than deserves it.

Call it love, call it sheer stupidity but for more than a brief second I was about to open mouth and ask if she would ever consider to have my child.

WTF ?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!

I know, I know, I know. As I am typing this right now I am texting her to tell her that this story is about her. She probably will not speak to me for awhile after this one which is understandable. But fuck it I am being honest. I know this completely contradicts the previous story "Disconnected aka Losin that Good Feelin' which points out how out of wack my head is.

I didn't open my mouth blurt out what I was thinking. And up until now she knows nothing about what was going through my head. We are just really good friends(seriously) and love her too much to put her through my bullshit. But if circumstances were different, I'd everything in my power and try to give Tiffany the perfect diamond that I know she wants....a little girl.

A Wish I Cannot Grant

2007-04-23T09:25:00.000-04:00

This past Easter I was in MD and my friend Go-Go and her daughter lil' Country came up from Columbia, SC to visit. Lil' Country is seven her years old and is my god daughter. Because of my busy work schedule I have been only been able to see them 3 times. Once in VA at my college roommates wedding, another time in Columbia at my sister's graduation to med school and the most recent time at my mother's place in MD.

LC is a smart little girl and was at one point at the top of her class in school but lately she has been slipping. More than likely it is due to the recent change in her life. The change being that she is no longer living with her father Dumbass. GoGo met Dumbass when she was living in Louisiana. That union brought LC into the world. GoGo moves to South Carolina and Dumbass follows. Now I thought Dumbass was a noble dude initially because he followed GoGo to SC and got two jobs so that he could support the addition to his family. Looking back on it now it seems that he was looking for a way to get out of Louisiana.

So I was having a conversation with GoGo about being away from Dumbass and she was telling me that she feels so much better and that she should have left a long time ago but only stayed for her daughter. It was at that point that GoGo told me about a conversation she had most recently with LC. LC had asked GoGo " Momma who are your best friends?" GoGo responds reponds with a list of people that included myself. LC then asks" Momma who is your favorite out of that group?". GoGo replies "Mr. Venom is". LC then asks her mother why she and Mr. Venom didn't get married? GoGo then tells LC that she was engaged to someone else when Venom met her and that GoGo and Venom are just friends and nothing more. GoGo then asks why does LC want Mr. Venom to marry her (GoGo). LC response " Because momma, he makes you smile." GoGo then asks "What about Daddy?" LC's response "What about him?"

This shocks GoGo. It shocks her because her daughter wants her momma to marry a man who she (LC) has only met three times in her entire seven years. Dumbass is her biological father. He's been in the household and he absolutely no relationship with his own daughter. GoGo tells me that Lil' Country wants Mr. Venom to be her daddy. I couldn't believe it and to hear it stills floors me. I have been told that I have always been good with kids but damn to make an impression like that on a child who has and knows who her father is is mind blowing.

GoGo did have a discussion on why I cannot be LC's father but there is a second part to this conversation. A part that GoGo did not have the courage at the time to tell me face to face. As soon as I find out what that is I'll let you people.

Disconnected aka Losin That Good Feelin'

2007-04-17T19:57:00.000-04:00

Bless me Father for I have sinned.

It's been uhhhh.....Shit, its been a long time since I last posted.

People don't ask me about the last story Red Dot because there is no story that I can really tell. Nothing went down between us and that's a good thing one because I wasn't looking for that she and two she is a BROKEN PIGEON WING !!!!! (what up Slish !!!!!!)

This story is about a recent trip I made to MD to see my mom over this past weekend. I was away in Cali the week prior on a business trip for the bank that I work for. During that trip I was having some email correspondence with Dr. Feelgood and she commented on looking forward to seeing me Easter weekend. With a puzzled look on my face I replied " Are you trying to tell me something that I don't know?" Her response was that since I am traveling to MD I have to pass through Delaware and since I have to pass through, I can surely make a pit stop to come see her.

Now I know I told this woman that I would try to stop by but I can't be sure because I have to meet my god-daughter and her mom at my mother's house by noon that Saturday. I couldn't ask my mom to greet these people since she does have a life of her own.

I get to MD unscathed and without stopping at Feelgood's place. No more than 20 minutes after getting through the door my mother starts peppering me with questions. The last and final question is about how are things with Feelgood and I. I give the same non-committal answer that I always give and try to move on from this conversation. Always the ever loving (nosey) mom, she then asks me if I want to get married and have children. My response....." I have god children and no desire to get married".

It was at that point that I saw a pained look on my mother's face and I think I heard her heart breaking. My mom wants me to have children so badly that it i think it personally hurts her when I say I am not looking to have any kids or get married. It all goes back to the break up I had with my ex a little over two years ago. Once out of that relationship my priorities shifted. No longer I was thinking about getting married and having kids. I have nothing against kids or the institution of marriage.

But I feel it's just not for me.

That little clock inside of me no longer works. And there hasn't been a woman that I have been intimately involved with that has the right key to get it going again. I have calmed down ALOT from when I first started blogging but you can still find a little poison in my bite if provoked, but I must digress and get back to the second part of this story.....Losin' that good feelin'.

It was apparent that Dr. Feelgood didn't like that fact that I didn't stop by coming or leaving from MD. She was so upset that she turned off her cell phone so she didn't have to speak to me. Now I do have her house number but I didn't bother calling it because frankly, I wasn't in the mood to listen to her words about " How we hardly see each other and I should have made more effort to stop by". I left for MD on Friday to meet up with friends and I returned to NY on Monday to only miss a doctor's appointment that was already re-scheduled.

When we finally did speak on Tuesday evening she was expressing how disappointed she was and how she needs to re-evaluate some things. I asked her what she was expecting from this relationship? She didn't want to answer because she didn't want to put her foot in her mouth. Now in my experience when you hear a comment like that you can pretty much assume that the next thing to fall is that "Venom...I don't think we should see each other anymore..." What makes it worse is that I strongly believe that it would not hurt or faze me in anyway. I know Dr. Feelgood loves me. I've heard her say it. Albeit it's only in the throws of passion when the walls are shaking but nonetheless I heard her.....on more than one occasion. I do care for Feelgood but honestly my response to her declaration has always been.........................(silence).

I'VE GOT A ICEBOX WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE.......sorry.

Well Dr. Feelgood doesn't want to stop seeing me but sooner or latter I will either have to shit or get off the pot.

Red Dot

2006-11-18T17:41:00.000-04:00

No I am not talking about a broad on her period. I am talking about a girl that I work with.

Red Dot is Indian if you couldn't tell. She's originally from Midwest and did her Master's work at UNC-Charlotte. She likes to drink a lot and hang out with the fellas afterwork. Which means sooner or later she is find herself bent over a couch with her Secret's around her ankles, bra lacerations around her neck and a thumb in her ass.

I am not saying that I would do it but if somebody else does it I'll be on the sideline monitoring the situation. Ya know trying to acquire the video rights. So we go to this new spot in the city called the Tropicana Zone where you can view a bevy of beauties in bikinis. As I heard from my man Ratt some of these ladies are vying for a spot in the Hawaiian Tropic contest but with these harsh lights I doubt that they can make it. Brights lights combine with a touch a cellulite is not a good look. But that's not what this story is about.

Red Dot has taken a certain liking to Venom. Whether it's speech, swagger or both. I can't quite tell. I know she has been looking at my ass due to a recent comment she made. Red Dot asked me if I lost weight because my pants looked bunched up in the back. The first reaction was a uncomfortable silence because we were still at work. The second was a response " Thank you".

Now back in high school I was unofficially voted of having one best asses. Which still remains still true to this day. Ask either Blah Blah Blah or that Batty Boy Slish and they will confirm it. SO back at Tropicana Zone we are chatting away and she is telling about the Ohio State vs. Michigan and she is telling about how Ohio is going to win and from there go to the Fiesta Bowl. I get it into my head that there is a bet waiting to be made.

So we make a bet for dinner. And as you can guess the loser has to pay. So I am hoping that Ohio loses because Red Dot has some expensive ass taste.

Check back for part two in a few for the second installment to see if the red dot becomes brown.

Tell Me Something Good

2006-07-23T18:02:00.000-04:00

So it's Thursday July 20th and Dr. Feelgood is in town (Brooklyn) as a bridesmaid in her cousin's wedding.

This is the first time that I see her in NY so ofcourse I am going to make the effort to be where she is at. Friday comes and I am ready to leave and see Feelgood. But first I make a pit stop to Dewey's to catch Roxanne, Roxanne and her friends for a sexy single mixer/networking function.

I bring along Shabba and Cutty with me from the job to join the festivities. At least half the women are attached to somebody and the only girl that is showing any rhythm is a thick tongue chick with tattoo in her titty that looks like a strawberry. So the crew has this girl surrounded like a bunch of great whites with blood in the water and Slish's cousin , Baby D, and her crew are taking bets on who is going to get her number. I can't say that I won but Strawberry does have my number.

The night at Dewey's ends, Roxanne and the Juice Crew are heading to the 40/40 club and I get the call that I am waiting for from Feelgood. She is in Queens and just got her hair finished for the wedding on Saturday and is ready to go out. I check the Di-Lithium crystals in my starship and go Warp 5 to her hotel. The plan for the night, is a spot in the Village on 199 Bowery. It is a rare occasion that I am dressed appropriately and Feelgood is making me look good. So we entered the spot along with the Carib crew she rolls with and choose the VIP section. Pretty much we were comp the cover as long as we bought a bottle.

After making nice with the waitress we got our drinks and our dance on. I am already lit from Dewey's and adding this champagne to the mix has me skating like Lupe Fiasco. Reggae hits the speakers and Feelgood and Venom hit the floor. Things are good and I am definitely enjoying the company. We finally leave at 3am and we get back to her room by 4.

I am crazy tired so while Feelgood gets ready for bed I doze off and awake to Feelgood next to me. I get up and do my business in the bathroom and climb back into bed. Things after that sped up to a point where, well let's just say that it gave us both something to think about in future encounters.

I'll put it to you this way, if you red the last story about Feelgood you know that I had to think about something to keep my imagination in check. There was no need for that this time around

Get Your Freak On

2006-07-08T18:42:00.000-04:00

Okay so you all know in my previous story, Young, Dumb and Full of Cum, that my evening was ruined by a fight.

I shared an interesting tidbit of information with FatDave and BamBam about a girl I used to date called Red Kryptonite during that same night. I would provide the link to the previous stories about Red however, I too lazy to figure it out so just go back to January and read about it.

Fat Dave and Bam Bam asked if me and Red ever did the do. I laughed about it and said what any red blooded nukka would. "Dawg I banged it like a screen door in a hurricane......bang bang bang bang....But you know she has a kinda odd fetish". This ofcourse piqued their interest. I proceeded to tell them that Red Kryptonite likes to be choked while she's having sex.

Their mouths dropped when I said that.

" Yeah man, she likes to be choked while she's having sex". Now I was about to tell them which hand I used when I was choking her but the "ladies" had arrived and I had suddenly became distracted. Now I bring this topic up because this is the first time I ever ran into somebody like this. You hear about people who like golden showers, being vomited on or shitted on, or slapped around and etc. But to actually be involved in this is quite an experience.

I have no clue what the conversation was that made her tell me this. How would you say something like this (a fetish) to a person " Yeah girl after dessert why don't we go back to my place and you grease that 3 inch heel and shove it in my ass".

Y'all may laugh but seriously, some woman like to get their asses smacked while having sex. Others like when their hair is pulled. There are some that like a little biting action, not enough to draw blood but enough to leave a DNA print.

Short of killing someone, what is going to far when it comes to sex?

Is it all fair game or do you have a line that you will not cross?

So which one of you bloggers out there is willing to share with us what is too far? I wouldn't vomit, piss, or shit on anybody no matter what. Besides I have horrible eating habits which at times includes a lot of corn. LOL

Young Dumb And Full Of Cum

2006-07-02T09:42:00.000-04:00

Most recently I was at a bachelor for a friend SuperCop. He is marrying his high school sweetie and the fellas were going to set him up properly. The event was to occur on a Friday evening in the Village. After a week of work on the new plantation it was good way to start the weekend.

To prep myself for the evening I got my lines tighten up by the barber and went to the gym for a quick workout. After returning to my cave and washing the funk off my body, I get a call on the hotline from FatDave asking me where I am. Noticing the time I jump into the closet, don my SuperNigga outfit and it's up, up and away. Every superhero needs theme music and mine for tonight is Redman's "Time For Some Action". I swoop down into the spot with very little fanfare and enter the den of debauchery.

I am properly greeted with a Jack and Coke followed by a Guiness. I know it sounds nasty like mixing plaids with stripes but I have a stomach of steel and so far my only kryptonite is bad cheese, but that's another story. After getting my drinks I catch filling my cousin FatDave and BamBam and what's been going on in my world. I see SuperCop at the end of the bar say my hellos and keep it moving. Time has come for the place that was booked for us to close off it's doors to the outside and get the party started.

The location was to occur in the slightly covered patio in the back. SuperCop is sitting on his throne with the hammer cocked. I soon find out he has been drinking prior to even getting to the spot and is looking VERY unsteady. He's SuperCop he should be fine. Nope, at that point he does a Harlem shake and loses his mojo on the floor. "Get that man into the corner so he can work that out" was the cry. He move him into the corner so he can do his thangy thang. Mother Nature decides to relieve herself on our parade so we move into a smaller area which immediately gets hot from the concentration of ethnics in the room.

The show begins. First up is a nicely proportioned Latina. She's wearing lacy boy shorts and a matching top (mental note...I need to get a dance from her later this evening). The bachelor looks like he is enjoying himself but with that glazed look in his eyes it is hard to tell. She finishes her portion of the festivities and leaves. The bachelor has fallen deeper in the alcohol abyss and isn't going to make it. He's sweating like a runaway slave and needs a toilet quick. They take him into the bathroom where he spends the next 30 minutes handling his business. I check on him for a few but there is some shenanigans going on and I have money in my pockets and SuperCop evening is officially done. SuperCops bro attends to him and run up on two girls eating each other out. I think that's worth a few dollars so I toss a few in. Now some brothers are sticking their fingers in places that should only be reserved for your gynecologist or in some instances proctologist. Ewww niggas is real grimey but I can't seem to turn away. So I toss in a few more dollars. The show ends and there is a costume change.

There is a slight lull in the party and things look like there are gearing up again when out of the corner of my eye is see somebody get hit with a beer bottle. Now I am thinking "I know I didn't just see that". But sure enough a fight is breaking out and again I can't seem to turn away. End result....two young niggas are bleeding and the Asian management of the local establishment wants us out pronto. Come to find out that the fight started over somebody cutting the line to the bathroom. WHAT?!?!? You mean to tell me that I was kick out of a spot over the use of the potty.

DAMNIT !!!!!

See this is why I love MY crew that I roll with and not these younger cats. We drink to have a good time. There has never been any beef when us "old" heads are out having a good time. How would I look coming into my job with stitches in my head, ri-fuckin-diculous. So I head home and try to get as much sleep as possible, I had promised Blah I would take her to Wal-Mart in the morning.

Somebody owes me for a wasted Friday.

My Return aka Anotha Feelgood Story

2006-06-21T06:35:00.000-04:00

Yeah it's been a minute.

So let me brief you on why Venom has been so busy. I worked for an investment bank in midtown and jump ship back in 5/19. So with this new company uptown has me working pretty much from 8am to 7pm on a good night and on bad nights until 9pm.

Now why would I take a job like this? Well I'm a consultant in Fixed Income, which basically means at the end of every week there is a happy surprise in my envelope. Not too bad for a kid with a Psych degree from Hampton. Fukkin Slish wants me to take him out and spend my chedda on him since I am in a different tax bracket. Barneys needs to watch herself. Hey Slish maybe you should be sitting down when you piss.......fukkin bitch.

With that said here is your story......

I went down to Delaware recently to attend a birthday party for Dr. Feelgood. You'll have to look back in previous blogs about her. She put me on a mission. To keep the drinks flowing so she can get her buzz on. I happily obliged.

I arrive Saturday to her townhouse to be greeted by her bestfriend who has also become my tight peeps, Jerzeekid. Jerzeekid is probably one the most realest brothas I know. So we are chatting it up in the kitchen and Dr. Feelgood comes down the stairs to speak to Jerzee. Now Dr. Feelgood doesn't know I am here which would probably explain why she came downstairs in a bathrobe that had "Naughty Girl" written on the back and if it didn't say that on the back it should have.

She immediately became embarassed and I was grinning from ear to ear. This chick was half nekkid and I was praying to all that is unholy that the belt slipped from around her waist, there by letting those mocha doves fly free.

I came to her place with a bouquet of flowers and a card, you now since it was her birthday and a nigga had to come correct. I guess it's been awhile since she has seen a nice gesture from a man because she immediately gave a BIG hug (gurl if you don't get those tig o' bitties off of me, I'm gonna catch a charge). I excuse myself to cool down and to get my overnight bag. About 5pm the party begins and so do I. I have soaked frozen mangoes in a mango run for later and just making drinks for those unsuspecting victims.

(Side note: Feelgood is a AKA and the house is full of AKA's and I just can't get seem to get away from. Tiffany is a AKA, I don't know what's going with my attatraction to AKA's. But they definitely like the Krimson and Kreme. Yo Royce D. you better watch your back around me when I get to MD for a visit).

So party is going and everything is fine. Got a few pics of the Ivy's for myself and ofcourse there is the always present spades game and the nigga that should not be drinking. Things wind down and guests start to leave when I notice there is a extra couple that will be spending the night. Shit looks like I lost my room to Jerzee and I have been banished to the couch. Oh how I was incorrect, no I secured a spot in Feelgood's bed. Okay think Venom you have no condoms and she has guests in the house and these walls are very thin. Okay as long as she doesn't touch me I'll be fine. THINK ugly thoughts and you keep your head, literally.

So I get into bed with my wife beater and boxer briefs. Like Adina Howard she gets into bed with her "T-shirt and her Panties On!!!!!" Ah hell to the naw, this chick is trying to kill me, and where are sleeves on her t-shirt?!?!?! Dammit I think I just saw the side of her titty. FUCK !!!!!! So we are sitting bed talking for a minute, real subtle flirting and then it happens........we both drifted off to sleep. Swear to god it happened just like that, no lie. How can a guy who talks about anal sex, handcuffs and sexual assault go out like that? Easy....I respect her enough to not do that to her but to be honest I didn't sleep all that well.

The house wakes up in the morning, we all eat breakfast and say our goodbyes. I get TWO hugs from Feelgood. After the second hug, she kissed me. Not some ol' tongue down your throat type thing or a peck on the cheek. But a kiss that makes you wonder. Maybe she appreciated the fact that I didn't try sodomize her in her bedroom. Who knows but I am definitely looking forward to my July trip for the bowling party.

What To Do, What To Do...The End?

2006-05-26T22:41:00.000-04:00

Okay so I have been extremely busy and unable to blog in a long time. New job, new responsibilities.

All the back and forth emails between me and my ex resulted in this. She made a major change in her career which was from law enforcement to the teaching profession. She is now a adjunct professor at the local university.

Also, by her request, I attended a few counseling sessions. Now what the hell was I thinking to accept this? I was thinking that having a "mediator" to properly conduct the sessions could be a therapeutic way to voice my frustrations I had with the relationship and why I ended it. Now those sessions did help me, even though it was for a brief period of time. It also made me realize that I do still love her. Now that love is not strong enough to say that we should try another time around but it is enough to help relieve that anger that I held towards her and fel better about myself. She doesn't like some things about the "new" Venom but she understands that she was very instrumental in the creation of him.

From time to time I have called her and vice versa. It can be tense at times and at other times they are not. There is no longer a forced civility and as much as some of you females readers are cursing me out, trust me this chocolate playground is still all yours.

Because of these recent developments I have been also pondering whether or not to reveal my entire face. Slish wants me to do it, but I need to find a Glamour Shots photographer to take the photo.

What To Do, What To Do part 4

2006-05-14T11:16:00.000-04:00

Another email from the Bitch to Venom

Can you explain this to me?

".......And then I wake up feeling like crap because to me the dream is a reminder that in my heart I still love a person that I know I cannot and should not be with and it depresses me".

You left me remember. I knew we had problems but I never wanted you to leave. I just didn't know how to go about things. I never meant to hurt you Venom, but I know I did and I am sorry that I did, but I was hurt too. I wish I could fix what happened, and in retrospect the way things ended between us had put me in a fucked up funk for a while. But it did help me understand and see that I am not a bad person, and neither were you. The feelings were definitely there, but we were both just in a bad situation that we didn't know how to deal with, emotions got in the way, and that made it even harder to deal with each other in a respectable manner.
I just wanted you to know I appreciate you responding to me and being more candid than defensive. I kinda felt like I never got a chance to tell you how I felt because you were so upset.

Venom's response to the above and previous post....

Yes I did leave you. You were driving me crazy. You were looking for your own place because you felt I crowded you, you kept telling me that I would never understand what you were going through, asking you the simplest questions set you off and I tell you that I have problem with your excessive cursing and was told " that's what we do in the Academy". I tell you I have a problem with you staying out and to you it doesn't matter because you are with friends. I felt that all I got was lip service. If I had stayed out all night with friends you hardly knew, you would've had a fit. That's why I apologize when I did it immediately and I stayed with Flying Squirrel and Lil D. You definitely knew FS and Lil D better then I knew those two girls. If something happened to you how would I find you?

When I have dreams like the one I explained earlier I get depressed because logically I don't see why I still have love for a person that I feel did me wrong. I invested alot of time into us and there are days in which I feel that even that I have less than nothing. EVERYTHING I tried to do was to make our life and especially yours just a little bit more bearable from getting that apt to getting that car I did it all for your comfort. You had a problem with your health immediately I tried to think of ways to help you, you didn't like what was goin on with your grandma's estate..I spoke to an estate attorney. You were having difficulties with that Indian professor or the crabby woman from architect firm in NYC or anybody that messed with you I brainstormed with you to help you get to where you needed to be. Even on the very last day that the Academy was supposed to call future cadets and you had just about given up, it was me that kept telling you that they were going to call and the moment they called, I immediately called you to tell you that they called. Do you remember how excited I was for you? I get depressed when I have those dreams because I know that all they are are dreams not my reality. I never had them (dreams) when I was with you because I was living it. And at this point it is hard to imagine myself ever getting that feeling back again.

I know that in order for me to move on I need to forgive but it is very hard for me to do that. And that makes me angry because I can't just yet and then I start thinking about all the things said and it pisses me off even more. I don't dole out my love on a random basis, never had never will. Once a person has my heart it's theirs to control and you had mine and its hard for me to get it back. This whole message is conflicting but its what I deal with. And you missed the point about the going to Vegas to marry you. The point I was trying to make was that I would have done something I didn't like and said I would never do to marry you. Because I wanted you as my wife. That was the point.

Time you didn't give me, it felt more like ultimatums. Either work now to correct this problem or we are not going to survive is what I heard on several occasions. My main issue right now is getting the feeling back in my heart, that's priority number one right now for me. I had gotten so bad last year that I literally came two words away from cursing out my stepmother over some silly shit. Yes I know what my flaws are and have gotten better in correcting them through a journal that I keep.

What To Do, What To Do part 3

2006-05-05T19:35:00.000-04:00

And the emails continue....

I know that you were trying to make things better for us. I knew that and I was appreciative, but I'm not going to deny it was hard to deal with. I hated being home every night alone not feeling I was doing anything important. I guess after I graduated I went through a depression period without telling you, because I felt it afterwards, I didn't feel like I knew where I was going. Everything was open and I was so unsure of my future, but then you were there, and that was the only sure thing, but I didn't see that as a sure thing either because of my insecurities. Remember how it was for you after you graduated? I remember seeing you in Nynex and you were taking vet classes not knowing exactly what you wanted to do. I felt that way, but I guess I didn't want to portray that cause it would make me weak maybe? Going to the academy was something that I was very confused about because I knew it would change alot of things for me. I was scared and felt after I started going through it that I wouldn't make it. I felt that you wouldn't understand it cause you were more of the tough love, go do it type of person. It's not that I was embarrassed by you, its that I wanted to keep my business life away from my home one. You met a few of the people I associated with who were and still are my good friends, but there were some who were annoying and used to fuck around that I didn't want to be around let alone have you be around. We would discuss things that regardless what you think I didn't want you to hear because we were trying to "get over" and I didn't want them to feel like there was someone who could rat us out, they didn't know you and when I studied at their houses there was no one outside of us there. I didn't think it would be a big deal. That experience was very different for me especially to happen during a time when I was trying to find myself. I know I did things I shouldn't have, like staying out but to me if I was staying with a girlfriend I didn't think it would be bad. I started smoking which I knew I shouldn't have, but Iguess those were my ways of dealing. But I look back at it now and wish I wouldn't have. I guess I wanted to make friends and be accepted that I wasn't fixing the part of my home life that was already struggling.

I guess I assumed you would give me time to get through things like I did with you. I was most upset because you flipped on me and I felt I never had a chance to get through the issues we had. Just because someone is there physically doesn't mean that we were there for each other emotionally or psychologically. You were stressed out during the period when you were working and I couldn't really get anything out of you then, and I went through the same thing. I think it came at a bad period where neither one of us could handle it. I know I didn't try my best, but not because I didn't want you, but more because of my insecurities as a woman. How many times did I ask you if you still found me attractive or if you still wanted to go out on a date with me? It wasn't just me you know. Did you really try or did you let your feelings (bad) get in the way?

I had told you that I wouldn't screw you over on the car and I didn't intend to. I really didn't know they would cancel the insurance if it was late. I assumed it was like any other bill where there is a grace period. I didn't need to be driving in a unregistered car either, I could've gotten in trouble too, so why would I do that on purpose? I feel like you were quick to assume that I was trying to fuck you over but I never tried. I was so hurt and offended by everything that happened and I wanted to hurt you as much as I hurt but I figured why? What would it do at this point, it doesn't change how I feel at all.

I know I am not 100% and I have my flaws but like I said as I have gotten older I realize them more and more. I am not in my early 20's like when we first met, and maybe it was a hard transition for me, harder than it was for you. So yes I have acknowledged my flaws and have really made changes in my life, drastic at that, for me. Have you acknowledged yours?

I find it interesting that you say you would've considered Vegas when you were so against it. I wanted the wedding too you know, but fear is a bitch. What was stopping us? I think we both knew that there were things wrong, but who was going to step up? I wish I would've, maybe things would've been different and we could've worked things out, but would you have been responsive? I felt like you were so angry and disappointed with me even when we were still together because you were working 2 jobs among other things.

You are not alone in the dreams, I have them too. But you are right, what can be done? I rely on the fact that I have gotten over some of the hurt, even though it is still very much there and I am not hateful or angry towards you. I do love you and always will, but I don't want the animosity that I feel is in the air between us.

Let me explain the car issue. See what happened is that I got an Acura coupe for her. I got the car registered and insured in my name so she could save money because her credit was fukked. When we broke up I had her sign an agreement that essentially stated I will not mess with the car as long as she maintains insurance and the car payments. Come August 2005, the car insurance gets canceled because she was paying it late and she wanted me to help her out in obtaining more insurance. Long story short I got pissed went to her apt with the spare key, took the car back and sold it.

She was mad not only that I took the car but she was also pissed that I knew where she lived and didn't let on that I knew. She had her reasons for not telling me where she lived and I had my reasons for not saying that I knew where she lived. She honestly thought that I would not have something in my back pocket just in case some shit happened with the car.

What To Do, What To Do part 2

2006-04-27T20:34:00.000-04:00

Okay so here is my response email to the Bitch. I know you mutha fukkas have been waiting for this. I've been holding back on posting these emails because I wanted all those that do stop and read my blog to have a chance to comment so here it is.

Never did I want to leave but I felt you gave me no choice in the matter you made it very difficult for me to be around you. There were times when I tried to better myself or make life just a little bit easier but those efforts were met with initial resistance. It wasn't until you saw the results of what I was doing that you appreciated it. I don't know specifically what you were going through at the Academy because you chose not to discuss it with me, though you discussed everything else with me when you had a problem. All I can say for sure was that you and the rest of the cadets were hazed. Though that word has a negative connotation you and I both know that rings true. You always discussed problems with me but as soon as you got into the Academy you shut me out completely as if I didn't existed. I couldn't help you study and you didn't want me to meet your fellow cadets. Why? Was I an embarrassment to you? And yes we were drifting apart and I could see it. The problem wasn't not knowing what to do, the problem was not trying to do anything about it. Can you say that you gave it a honest effort? When I was seeing the therapist, at your request, to better my communication with you. I didn't stop because I didn't want to go. I stopped because I couldn't afford to go anymore. I was willing to sit down and talk I had nothing but free time when I stopped working the second job. But when it came to your free time I got very little to none of it.

Instead you would run off to go drinking and partying with them and stay out until the next day. And yes I did do that as well. It happened once, and I called you when you were away the next morning, apologized for doing it and promised never to do it again. And I kept that promise. You did it not only once but several times. The first time you did it I let it slide because I had done it. But the second and third time? Not only were you not sorry in doing it, you had the gall at point to answer "Well maybe I didn't feel like coming home". How am I supposed to feel when my fiancee tells the man that she says I will marry you that "Maybe I didn't feel like coming home?" And again yes I have said things that I later regretted and apologized for and had to work my way back into your trust. I know this is strictly my opinion but I feel when you did wrong to anybody you never had to work yourself back into their good graces so why start with me. I tell you that I would do anything to marry you whether its in the church or at the Justice of the Peace, I would have done it in Vegas and you know I don't like casinos. Your response to me.." Why am I trying to control you". All I wanted from you was to be my wife, that's why I worked all those hours so I can build something for us. And you took it as me not wanting to come home. I loved coming home and I loved coming home to you. In the end you I truly don't think you shared that with me.

As far as the car was concerned that episode was strictly on you. What made me go ballistic about the car is that you couldn't admit to what you did, nor could you see the big picture. You were driving a car that was uninsured with a bad registration for almost three weeks leaving me exposed if something should happen to the car. Whether you hit somebody or somebody hits you they (other drivers insurance company) will be looking for me since I was the last registered and insured person. Your name on the title doesn't mean a thing in this instance. That car had no business being on the street. That's why I came to your apartment building and took the car because I couldn't trust you with the car.

Have you acknowledge your flaws and what are you actively doing to address them?

As God as my witness I've had dreams about you, the most recent was last night and we were smiling and having a good time and being affectionate like we used. And this happens in almost every dream I have about you. And then I wake up feeling like crap because to me the dream is a reminder that in my heart I still love a person that I know I cannot and should not be with and it depresses me. My words have been harsh, rightly so because I felt hurt and betrayed. This fact still remains the same I do not wish you any harm. I may be depressed or bitter at times even after a year but I am not evil. A major part of me died Oct 10, 2004 and there is no bringing back for me.

Well this email response was a few weeks ago so please keep that in mind. At this time I had a rush of emotions, both good and bad feelings coursed through me. Feelings that I thought had died in me came back to the surface. Dammit I wish I didn't respond.

What to Do, What To Do

2006-04-24T22:40:00.000-04:00

Wow I have been so busy that I haven't been able to blog in awhile. I received this email earlier this month from The Bitch. The next post you will see are her writing to me and my response.
Nothing has been changed.

Venom.........I hope you take the time to read this, I know it is coming out of nowhere, but I just want to get it out anyway as I feel like I never really had a chance......

I don’t expect you to care about what I am saying, but I want you to understand that I never meant for us to be the way we are towards each other. I am saddened by the fact that we ended in the nasty way we did. I don’t think I thought much about it when everything happened, I was more numb to what was going on with you just as much as everything else that was going on in my life. I know I didn’t do a good job at explaining that to you but maybe I was assuming that you would understand what it was like to be going through a tough and confusing time in life. I had been there when you were going through things and I let you get through them, I didn’t know what to do to help you necessarily, but I tried to just be supportive. I guess you’re struggling with trying to make ends meet and my struggling to find myself and deal with the internal shit I was going through couldn’t allow us to cross paths and deal with things effectively. I will say that I do take some of the blame, I didn’t know how to talk to you and ultimately feel that we were drifting apart before everything went down. I didn’t want to admit it, but I also didn’t know what to do. I told you on more than one occasion that we needed to talk and we needed to do something, but maybe neither one of us knew what to do or really cared? What’s done is done, and believe me, that whole ordeal hurt more than I could imagine, I don’t know how it affected you, but I was more than hurt and was pretty angry with you. You accused me of things and did things that I thought you would never do. I felt stupid for believing in you for a second, but then again I know how people feel when they are hurt, you tend to care only about yourself and your feelings. It has taken me some time but I just wanted to apologize for my part. You were a major part of my life and meant a lot to me, more than you know and maybe even more than I showed you.

All that to say that I just hope that we don’t have ill feelings towards each other. I hated what happened and then what happened with the car. You continued to be angry with me since you feel that I used you or was selfish for whatever reason. I never went into this to get your money or use you to get ahead. I was there for you and you were there for me. I don’t see how you gave more or I gave more etc. It was a relationship. I tried to better myself, but not just for me but to hopefully be a better person for the future and a potentially better wife and mother. I didn’t want to be a half assed person like my mother. But I didn’t know how to get to an acceptable point. I’m never going to be perfect, but I try, and as I’ve gotten older I realize that to be a better person I have to acknowledge my flaws and try not to hold grudges. I don’t blame you or my mother, I blame myself for just being young and having no real idea of how to achieve the happiness that I never had.

Anyway, I am not trying to explain myself and seek sympathy, all I am trying to do is clear a chapter in my life that was there for a long time, and played a major part in my life altogether. I am about to head into another new chapter in my life that is just as scary and new, but I have a different outlook to where I hope that I don’t make the same mistakes I made before. I hope that you don’t blame me for everything and hate me for what happened as I was not alone, but I will say that I will always care about you, but you know you were not perfect, and I hope you can or maybe did work out those issues you had as well. I saw you not too long ago and I was hesitant to speak to you because I didn’t know if you would even want to say hello. I personally have no problems in doing so, but our last conversations were pretty heated, and I feel as if you hate me, like I meant to do you dirty.

I hope you got the package I sent, I was clearing out my stuff for another move so I figured you might need the warranty if you still had the laptop.

Anyway, I do hope you are good and if I never do see you or speak to you again just know that I will always care, and I am truly sorry for the way we ended. You will always have a spot in my heart because I did truly love you, and even though all this happened, it just doesn’t go away, it just changes some.......Bitch

First let me say that I never expected to receive an email like this. I figured that back in September '05 would be the last time I saw her. But I was wrong. As promise the next installment will be my response. Comment if you like or you can wait.

The Tin Man part IV

2006-04-06T10:49:00.000-04:00

LJ builds up the courage to give me a call. I agreed to meet her at place to have a chat. We make very small chit-chat, asks me if I am hungry or wants something to drink (alcohol). She's drinking a glass of wine. She tells me that she went to the doctor and tells me that she is pregnant. At that point I turned 25/20 (25th and 20th letters of the alphabet) and went numb. She then proceeded to tell me about the internal struggles she was having telling me as well how it triggered tragic childhood memories that were repressed. Those memories I will not share with you but I can guarantee that they are in now way shape or form pretty.

Fits of laughter and tears she is going through a wide range of emotions. I am listening to everything she has to say but in my mind I am saying that she cannot have my baby. Not because I am not ready or because I do not think she will make a good, loving mother. It was in my own opinion that I don't know if she was mentally ready. She had lost a child previously and hadn't quite resolved her issues with losing that first child. This on top the "other" things that I heard that night confirmed it for me.

I am not the only one that agrees with this assessment. Slish felt the same way when he found out. I did not tell her to get an abortion. Not once did I say that she should get an abortion. I listened to her go back and forth on why she should and why she should not. Honestly the only words that came out of my mouth were "Whatever your decision is I'll support it". Back and forth, back and forth she then asks me "Will you think I am a terrible person if I get an abortion". I replied "No". She goes starts crying again and I hug her until she gets her composure. I offer to go with her but she refuses "stating that I don't need to go with her to make sure she goes through it".

The crying stops and she is now being overly affectionate and holding my hands. She has a look in her eyes like she wants to have sex and it is confirmed. I shun her advances and tell her we shouldn't do this. She asks why and I say that it's just not right. She then asks me the fatal question. "Don't you want me?" and my reply was "No". She lets go of my hands turns her back on me and tells me that she has some things to do and that I should leave. I gather my things and make my way out the door and down the stairs. LJ bursts out of her apartment and tells me" I'm sorry for everything and you don't have anything to worry about". This part is a blur she then told me something to the fact that she may not make it until the morning and the closes the door immediately afterwards.

I think about what she says to me and the conclusion I came to was that "LJ is gonna commit suicide !!!!!" I run downstairs to my car and call Miss Tiff because I am freaking out. She calms me down and tells me to call 911 which I do. I damn near get into an argument with the 911 operator about sending an ambulance because I couldn't confirm if LJ would commit suicide. In the end I told her that I would rather be wrong in calling the ambulance than wrong for not calling. I call Slish and let him know what's going on.

The ambulance and police come. I explain to the officer what went down. We go up to the door and I stay off to the side as instructed while they tell her to open up the to have a little chat. They talk to her and let her know that they have to take her to the hospital. I asked if I could accompany them to the hospital and the police said no. The officers I also told me that it's best that I leave since I may be the cause of her feelings. I leave and try to get some rest which becomes next to impossible. Some time passes and Slish tells me that LJ called to tell him that he (Slish) needs to stop meddling in her business and to stop telling her family her business, curses him out and hangs up. Why she told him this I can't remember but if Slish continues this story on my blog then you will find out. All I know was that I was mad at her because she felt we were trying to hurt her when all we were trying to do is help her. Fuckin' nut I prayed she doesn't try to call me after what I heard from Slish.

Months past and try to regain some normalcy in my life. Slish calls my number at work to tell me LJ has called him to apologize for her behavior and to let him know that she lost the baby. She intended to keep it and not say anything to me about it. I felt nothing after hearing the news. Not happy, not sad, not angry, nothing.

Did my past experiences with The Bitch and women after that make me truly heartless?

The Tin Man part III

2006-03-29T21:47:00.000-04:00

So I stepped inside and the clothes start peeling off. LJ must have four hands because she is taking off my clothes and hers at the same time. Meanwhile Slish is "waiting" for me to come down when he damn well knows that he sent me up there to do the do. I'm half naked and calling Slish to tell a bold face lie because LJ is shifting my 6 speed like Formula One driver.I make up a bullshit lie and Slish drives off. There is very little clean talking to each other and alot of panting and sweating going on. LJ and I never had a problem sexually speaking our problems occurred everywhere else. I knew as I was in deep with LJ that I shouldn't be doing this but I was horny and I needed a fix and apparently by her zest so did she. We both finish up and we agreed to meet up again for a rematch. Again another mistake on my part. I should have quit while I was ahead. Sex with practically no strings attached and Au Natural's number in my pocket.

A few days later we meet up again do the do and as Slish put it, this is where I stick my dick into cement. After I came , I had relaxed and was withdrawing the condom but not properly. The condom slid off and was still inside her. When I first looked down at my boy my first thought was "Shit" then when I went to retrieve it I felt better because the opening of the jacket was on the OUTSIDE of her sugar walls. I breathe a sigh of relief, let her know what happened. She got up and went to clean herself off with a towel. They way she would tell it is that the condom popped and I believe that is what Slish was told by her. Not true the condom did not pop and I NEVER went bareback style on her. Also I need to make this note. I am fuzzy on the specifics (actual words) on why I stopped speaking to all together for the final time. I am sure it started with her bashing herself repeatedly and pushing me away saying what she thinks I think of her and the twisting of my words to something unrecognizable. Which is something she has done often with myself as well as other people.

Emails, phone calls I ignored them all because I couldn't deal with her bipolar craziness any longer. A few weeks had pass and I was dating Au Natural. Then Slish calls me one day and tells me that LJ may be pregnant and that I should call her to find out. I told him that I will not call her and she needs to call me. This stupid exchange goes back and forth for almost 2 weeks until finally I said to Slish "Listen if LJ is pregnant then she needs to tell me and you need to stop being a middleman, this is getting ridiculous. If she has a message for me and tries to give it to you refuse it". It was at that point that she sends me an email and that we need to speak face to face.

I wasn't scared of the event. The event being a woman may be pregnant with my child. I was scared of the woman having my child. And my fear wasn't based on personal harm coming to me. And you read why in the next and what may be the final episode of "The Tin Man"

The Tin Man part II

2006-03-28T23:11:00.000-04:00

Like I was saying earlier I thought that was the last I was gonna hear from LJ but I was wrong. During our time apart I would still receive emails on occasion from her and would reply back but nothing serious just light hearted. My attitude towards her changed from liking her to being on guard with her because she didn't like the candy inside the wrapper.

I left a DVD over at her place and she kept asking me when I was going to pick it up and when was I going to take her out on my motorcycle. Like Scooby Doo "Huh?!?!?" This occured on a Sunday and since I had nothing else to do I got my bike and my extra helmut and made my way over to her place. We take the Hutch North to Merritt Pkwy and ride up to CT and back. On the way back I am noticing that she is massaging my sides and I return the favor by rubbing on her leg just to see where it would get me. The ride ends and I drop her off at the house, give her a hug goodbye and kiss on her forehead. She gives me a look like "Nigga iz you crazy you better kiss me like you know you should". I look at her and say"What? I thought you didn't like what was inside the wrapper?" She tells me that she was having a blonde moment that day and wanted try again. So kiss her until she is light headed and send her on her way.

Now I am thinking I'm some sorta bad ass because she can't get enough of me. When in all actuality there are things in LJ's past which cloud her judgement as well as effect the way she handles people and situations. Now Slish told me that I shouldn't write about her past. Slish also told me that I shouldn't write this story. One out of two ain't bad. So we are going through the paces of being with each other and the sex is grrrreat. But like the novel by Chinua Achebe, things fall apart. There was a internal conflict brewing inside LJ and it came to ahead one afternoon in August.

At that time I was actively pursuing avenues to get my happy ass to the DC Metro area to make a fresh start. I had mentioned this to LJ again and she went off on me. Told me how could I do this to her and how she wished she never met me and so forth. (Cue Godzilla theme...Venom enters). I told her I had wanted to do this when we first started talking and was as serious then as I was now. I had had enough of her mood swings, her constant questioning of why I am with her and the twisting of my words to something completely off based. I told that I was through with her and her ways.

You would think that after this encounter we were through with each, but that mutha fuckin Slish talked me into going to a party in Manhattan where I saw LJ and coincidentally met Au Natural (October 24, 2005 post). There were several mistakes I made on my part that night.

Mistake 1: I wished LJ a Happy Bday

Mistake 2: I walked her upstairs to her apartment because she was really drunk also Slish asked me to make sure she got to her door (he's an asshole).

Mistake 3: Horny as fuck, I stepped inside.......

You durty muthas can probably guess what happened next but you wont see me write it until the next installment.

Stay tuned you blog whores.

Breaking News

2006-03-28T16:08:00.000-04:00

I had to interrupt our current story "The Tin Man" for this developing story. On the morning of March 28th I received an email from The Bitch. Now for those of you that are new to my snake pit, please refer back to the post "What Happened". This post is dated December 1st, 2005. I briefly describe the events that led to the death of Cornbred and the hatching of Venom.

I have not read the email yet because my day is already ruined by having to get up at 5:30am for work. I saw no need to have the double whammy. I'll read it tonight when I get home and will comment on it within 7 days. I'll either post the email or take excerpts from it, depending on the mood I am in.

It might be major, it might be minor but you'll just have to keep reading to find out. It should be a good story but not as juicy as "The Tin Man". Stay tuned bitches and now back to the "Tin Man".

The Tin Man

2006-03-27T18:27:00.000-04:00

Something very intresting happened a few days ago. Slish called me up at work to tell me about a recent phone call he received. This call was from a woman who I had dated briefly last year and ended abruptly. Here's a little background information. Slish, Venom and LJ (Lil Jamaica) all worked for the same discount brokerage firm a few years back. Slish was cool with this girl but she hardly spoke to me, which didn't bother me because I was with The Bitch at the time and couldn't care less besides she always seemed to have an "attitude".

Fast forward to last year I was reintroduced to LJ at one of Slish's events. I spoke to her she spoke to me and we got along just fine. So fine that she gave me her number and told me to keep in touch, which I did by asking her out on a date, several dates. She wasn't into labels and wanted to take things slow and I was cool with that. We had started becoming closer and by closer I mean intimate and we were doing alot of things together, meeting for lunch or afterwork for drinks. We have our little bumps along the way but nothing that cannot be handled. I'm thinking things are going well until we decide to take a trip up to Boston for the Fourth of July. We catch the Fung Wah Bus and head to Boston for the day. This is where I really notice a change. She being a bit stand-offish and keeping her distance from me without exactly running away. I ask her several times if she is okay or is there something wrong. She says "No" but her body language doesn't change. So I chalk it up to her being in her "moods" which will eventually pass. Get back from Boston, drop her off and make my way home. A few days later she either calls or sends me an email I can't quite remember but LJ stated that we need to meet up face to face and have a chat.

We meet in Manhattan and she is being unusually quiet. When she does break her silence she uses her gift of language and states that she can no wants to continue to see me. Her exact words were " I like the wrapper but do not like the candy inside". Now in my head my first thought was " What the hell does that mean?!?!" So clarification I ask "Are you saying you don't want to date me anymore?" She says yes and I am fuming but I remain calm and didn't protest or make any objections. I think the most I said was if you see me in the street or something don't get a funny face when I say hello. She responded with same type of statement and we parted ways for what I thought was for good.

To be continued...

The Mistress

2006-03-16T10:39:00.000-04:00

This is so silly.

So I get a call the other day from my One, Tiff. Apparently she and my Mistress are chatting it up and having drinks. Awww hell I didn't think they would start socializing after meeting one time. Yes they are both in the same sorority but this is gonna fuck up my whole plan. The last thing I need is my One to find out I've been cheating on her. I already lost so much from the first time around with The Bitch and if Mistress blows the whistle then Tiff is gonna have my nuts. I don't mind the money issue, I can always make more money. But please don't take away my pussy.

I finish my abbreviated call with my future ex and I swear no more than ten minutes later I get a call from Mistress. She's been reading the blog and she's pissed.

Mistress: "Venom why don't you write about me in the blog"

Venom: "Because baby you are special to me and I don't want to share you with anybody else"

Mistress: " Nigga I share you with your wife!"

Venom: "Come one now Boo you know that's not fair, I told you before I was getting a divorce it just takes time"

Mistress : "Well listen up Venom, I am tired of getting the day before Valentine's, the 2nd day after New Years' and all the other shitty days."

Venom : "Honey you know I can't just leave. My lawyer said I need things finalized first, besides I think she's cheating on me with some Lil Man and I need to get proof."

Mistress: "Yeah well mutha made ya and mutha fuck ya, nigga if you don't write something about me I'm going to tell (click. she hangs up)

Venom: SHIT !!!!!!!

Listen if the Mistress's coochie wasn't so sweet to eat I would have told her to go to hell but I didn't and now I have resigned to writing this fluff piece for her. Let me try and give you a visual of my Mistress. In heels she almost if not 6 feet tall, dark hair that runs down to her shoulders. A silky smooth caramel complexion, very well proportioned and a infectious smile. Oww weee is thick and thin in all the right places. The reason why she is my Mistress is obvious to just me. She does things that my wife won't do, like giving me professionals. I either gotta have my wallet ready or a tablets of GHB or rohypnol to get some special service from Tiff. Not with The Mistress, I could be watching the game and she'll pop it in. I could be driving to the corner market and she'll pop in. I could be walking to the kitchen to make and sandwich and SHE WILL POP IT IN ! Like a baby with a pacifier it soothes her. And of course I am more than happy to oblige.

Fellas have you ever just had the picture of someone in your head and immediately you get a chubby. That's what The Mistress does for me. I don't appreciate her making that threat but I can understand where it's coming from. She feels neglected and right fully so because a lot of my free time is spent with Tiff. I'm sorry baby Big Daddy will be there tonight to make it right.

This is so silly.

And Then They Met Sue

2006-03-15T17:31:00.000-04:00

***This is a continuation of the strip club experience***

Okay at the time of this episode I have been living in New York for about 4 years since graduating and one of my college housemates, Timbuk, is getting married and I was chosen as the best man. Cool that means I get to plan a bachelor party. So I get to work, initially I was going to have the ladies come over to Fat Dave's place and dance but then I decided against that and chose going out to the clubs instead. The Horseman arrive into NY from MD early Friday evening. It's Steeler, Heybo, Baby Stewie and Timbuk piled in a Expedition with a cooler of brew riding shotgun. This is their first time in NY and I wanted to make sure they had a good time.

The first night we went to a spot in Hunts Point called The Playhouse(?). This place is does not have top shelf women, nor does it have second tier. This is the type of place where you could get either shot or stabbed by the dancers themselves. Every other girl in this place is recovering from being hit with mustard gas, bullets or manhole covers. The lap dances don't occur in a chair but up against a wall in the corner, it has to be worst than the The Wedge. Now the $20 question is "Venom why the hell would you take the Horseman to this spot?" Simply put I wanted to show them what a bad strip club in NY is like versus a good one. I can't remember if I got cursed out that night for taking them there but I knew they would appreciate the next place I took them to the following evening.

Saturday evening quickly approaches I take them to a local spot in money earning Mt. Vernon that wasn't getting as much shine as it is now, Sue's Rendezvous. For them it was love at first sight. Them fools saw all flavors of ice cream, french vanilla, butter pecan and chocolate deluxe. I was over at another a table figuring out how to propose to this angel dancing in front of me and when I peep over my shoulder to look for the fellas. The Horseman were huddled around this brown skinned chica with 2 midgets in her dress when all of the sudden her top mysteriously dropped and the midgets ran free like two bad ass kids that ain't never been no where.
They had a blast at Sue's so much that they were planning another trip to NY just so they can go to Sue's again. They never did make it but they still have those mammary's fresh in their mind. I know they aren't gay but the Horseman professed their love for me that night in the most elegant of words.

Horseman: WE LOVE YOU MAN !!!!!!!!

Venom: Yeah yeah whateva, if y'all love me so much why dontcha buy a nigga a table dance?

The Day Was A Good Day

2006-03-13T14:29:00.000-04:00

What can I say, I had a good weekend. I went down to Newark, Delaware to support a Greek basketball hosted by local AKA chapter. The Kappas won the event by beating the Ques by five. My co-pilot on the trip down was J Black. J Black is a neo who joined Kappa in Spring '05 and loves being a Greek. Anytime there is an event that deals with the our female counterparts, he wants to be there. He heard that I was going down and jumped at the opportunity. So we head down in the Grey Ghost doing the pre-requisite 80 mph on the NJ turnpike, give a call to Dr. Mindbender and let him know my status. Now in a previous post I mention a pretty girl I met on my last trip down there by the name Dr. Feelgood. Well it was her chapter that was hosting the event so I was REALLY looking forward to getting down there to see her as well as my line brother DopeMan.

J Black and I arrive late as only black folks can, pay our fee and enter. We start walking down the hall and here comes Dr. Feelgood smiling. Now I am thinking she is smiling when she sees me but in fact she is smiling just because that's how she is and doesn't recognize me until I am 15 feet away from her (She didn't have her contacts in nor her glasses on). I introduce her to J Black and receive a generous hug and move head to a game already in progress. I saw my line brother, his wife and one of their daughters Babygirl. This little girl is so cute and getting big, it seems like she was just crawling the last time I saw her and now she is walking and talking.
Fast forward to post game activities and the plan is to go back to Feelgood's house for a BBQ and drinks. Before I even take to the grill for food, J Black, Mindbender and I head to the liquor store and grocery store. We pick up 2 bottles of Henny, 1 bottle of Bacardi Apple and 1 btl of Johnny Walker Black. Which when looking at it initially it is not alot but Feelgood had liquor at her place and the bottle of Bacardi I pick up is the largest they had so it was just enough. Get back to her(Feelgood) place and I dropped my bottle of Bacardi. AWWWW HELLLLLL NO. Since I am a very social drinker I immediately went back to the store bought another bottle and added Raspberry Stoli to the mix.

The party is moving and so are the drinks. J Black is killing that Johnny Walker and building up his liquid courage to talk to this TALL light-skinned sista, Chetara. He's getting his mini-mac on and I am having a good time watching him go through his game. Mindbender being a renaissance type of guy is putting some color into the bland potato salad and preparing some peach cobbler (which was real good). I have my Bacardi Apple and Cranberry and flirting with Feelgood any opportunity I can get. J Black approaches me with an observant inquiry. "Does Feelgood like you"? I reply "Yes but I am not sure how much she likes me and don't wanna open the door on that issue". Logistically speaking I would have a difficult time dating her for the mere fact that she lives at least 2.5 hours away. Also my living situation though beneficial to me is not conducive to an adult relationship. Meaning it would be difficult for quality alone time with my family in the house and their sporadic interuptions. So instead of wondering what could be, I just enjoy my little moments that I get to have near her.

The music is going people are getting even more relaxed and jokes are flying around the room left and right. I wish I could effectively explain what happen next but even with my vocabulary, 2 dictionarys and a thesaurus could I describe the silliness that went on. It was definitely something that had to be witnessed. Nothing X-rated. The best I can say is that their were skits of two songs being acted out. One was "In The Closet" by R. Kelly and the other was "Grillz" by Nelly feat Paul Wall and Big Gipp. It was one of those moments in time where you forget about being an adult for just a minute and get reacquainted with your inner child. If Mindbender posts a comment maybe he will describe one of the skits.

All I can say is that this is definitely a memorable weekend. Thank you Dr. Feelgood and the lovely ladies of Alpha Kappa Alpha.

I Can't Believe There Is A Part Two

2006-03-07T21:40:00.000-04:00

Yes a second part to " Another Cock In The Hen House". So I was on the phone today with Miss Tiff and she was discussing the issues she has been having with LM since I left NC this past weekend. He is apparently upset at Miss Tiff's behavior the last night I was there. As I stated in the previous post, Miss Tiff had ALOT to drink that day and was feeling........well......horny as shit. Now it should be known that she doesn't want a committed relationship at this time because of her recent divorce. Also let me remind you that LM was blowing up her phone since I arrived in town.

Here is where the information is new. It is based on a conversation that occured in the car while I was driving but not listening in. LM was upset at the way Miss Tiff was talking to him. To paraphrase she stated "LM, you need to come over and handle this!!!" Now what I just stated I did over hear what I didn't over hear was the back and forth going on between them. Pretty much by the end of the conversation LM had frustrated Miss Tiff. Miss Tiff then says and this is a quote " Fuck it, I don't need you to come over tonight anyway"! Whether or not she hung up the phone from point I don't know but the damage is already done.

After she told me this, even I winced but then I giggled my mutha fuckin ass off. First of all no man wants to hear, from a lady he is fucking, that there is another man out there who his lady genuinely loves, not in love with but loves. And that same man sure as shit doesn't want this out of town nigga coming in for the weekend while he is not around. And when Miss Tiff made that comment, I explained to her the first thought that would come to my mind as the man who is tapping that ass is "Fuck it, I don't need to come over tonight anyway BECAUSE I have warm dick in the house already there......NIGGA".

Tiff then proceeds to tell me that she understood that he was mad but she didn't understand why he still came over if he was so mad AND why the hell he had brunch with Tiff and my fifedom only to tell her that he was putting her on timeout for a couple of days. I told her that it didn't matter how mad he was he was not going to take a chance of you hooking up with me. Now I would not purposely push up on Miss Tiff however, I ain't no fool either. And I'll leave it at that.

So I gotta ask this question to both male and female bloggers out there your thoughts and opinions on what Miss Tiff said " Fuck it, I don't need you to come over tonight anyway" And LM actions thereafter. By the way he must have been over there within 30 minutes of us stepping through the door and quickly went to bed with my future ex. And playing devil's advocate, I mentioned to her that since she doesn't remember being sexed up maybe she called out someone else's name........mine. LMAOF

Another Cock In The Hen House

2006-03-06T18:47:00.000-04:00

I was down in Charlotte, NC this past weekend for CIAA basketball tournament. For those that do not know, the CIAA tournament is the Black college version of NIT or NCAA tournament only shorter. The weekend didn't have a promising start. My flight out of LaGuardia was delayed for two hours for some unknown reason. However I finally get on the this puddle jumper and land without incident in Charlotte. Things are looking up because it is sunny and the temperature is in the 50's.

I shed some of the NY garb that I had on. Meaning I removed my skully and waited for my ride and host for the weekend my One and future ex-wife, Miss Tiff. As always Miss Tiff is pleasant to look at and we make our way to the mall. I detest the mall and if Miss Tiff didn't know then she knows now. But since it has been a little over a year since I have last seen her and 4 years prior to that, I just sucked it up and trooped on. I had made a promise to Miss Tiff to get her a house warming gift. And I fulfilled that by buying her a comforter and bed skirt for her bed at the Palace. The shopping continues, I make a not so subtle hint that I am hungry and we catch a quick bit to eat. Up to this point her "man(?)", Little Man, has been making more calls than he usually does through out the day. Hmmm I wonder why? We continue eating and solidify plans to meet up with one of her girls from Richmond who I haven't seen in awhile, Sidepiece. Now the name doesn't reflect in anyways who she is as a person. The reason I call her Sidepiece because in my little fifedom there are three main women in my life. Miss Tiff (aka The One aka Future Ex Wifey), The Mistress and SidePiece. Miss Tiff gets all my money when we divorce because she caught me cheating with the Mistress and I end up being with Sidepiece by default. Which when you step back and really look at the group, all of these ladies are very attractive so I really don't end up losing.

Not much happened on Friday other Bizmarkie's party and some light drinking of Hypnotiq and a double shot of Patron Anejo. Saturday was a little different. I started drinking at 12:30pm, stopped in between 7-9pm and started again after that. More Hypnotiq, Heinekens, Rum and LemonDrop shots. I was mixing the hell out of everything and feeling nice. The Mistress is killing the Cranberry Vodkas, Miss Tiff has a strangle hold on the Lemondrop shots, apple Martini's, and whatever else she can get her hands on and finally Sidepiece is feeling a little under the weather so she started off with juice and then retired to the apple Martinis. Like yesterday LM is blowing up Miss Tiff's phone like a suicide bomber and I am the reason why. He felt threatened by my presence even though Miss Tiff's relationship with me is non-sexual....for the moment (insert evil laugh). Anyway we (Miss Tiff, Sidepiece and myself) had back to the house and LM is pissed that we did not turn around to pick him up. As designated I made an executive decision to take my ladies home, besides one had to use the bathroom and the other wasn't feeling too great. We get back to the Palace and Miss Tiff was waiting for her appointment with Jimmy. LM enters and is introduced to Sidepiece and they head downstairs. Neither Miss Tiff nor Sidepiece knew that I was still awake otherwise I would have met my "nemesis".

Now it is my opinion that LM needs to impress me and not the other way around, due to the fact I have deference and have known Miss Tiff since college. I swear I did not hear anything but I can bet you dollars to donuts that when the doors closed on the room in the lowest level LM wanted to murder that pussy. I guess he wanted to drive home the point that he was the only one fucking Miss Tiff that weekend and wanted her and myself to remember it. The unfortunate thing for LM is that I didn't hear a peep and Miss Tiff drank so much that she can't remember a damn thing which serves her right, selfish nigga. Sidepiece and I are upstairs on dry dock looking at each other while 2 floors below LM is probably trying to punch a hole through the chooch. LM cannot take my spot in Miss Tiff's life no matter what he says, no matter what he does, no matter how well he does it. It's not that I think that I am all that. Okay maybe just a little, but I have time invested and when you have as much time invested as me the only way I can lose it, is if I fuck it up. And since I don't plan on doing that, all of you insecure bitch niggas can expect to hear my name spoken with Coke and a smile. And for you ladies out there you can expect the same when I mention Miss Tiff name.

So the weekend has ended and even though I saw no parts of any pussy I still had a good time. And yes the call volume from LM did drop after I left, go figure. He acts like phone sex doesn't exist. So once again LM feels safe and secure in his "position" and I am giggling my ass off at his expense.

All That Glitters Ain't Gold

2006-02-27T17:57:00.000-04:00

Is there a problem when you have a line item in your monthly budget for strip clubs? I don't think so. This was just after I graduated college and was working as a temp for the local phone company. Once a month Fat Dave and I would go to the Golden Lady Gentleman's Club located just off the Bruckner Expressway in the Bronx. I need to make a correction to the previous statement. Once a month I would accompany Fat Dave to the Golden Lady, he was more of a regular there. Back then my budget was a meager $100 to $150 per month for the club and I would spend every dime of it. Either buying lap dances and drinks for myself, Fat Dave, Bam Bam or any of the fellas that was with us for the a night of tomfoolery.

During that time Golden Lady was the hottest spot to go to. Lap dances ranged from 10-20 dollars and for your money you grab a piece of ass or stick a titty in your month if you so chose to. You even had DJ's on the local radio station giving shoot outs and doing special shows at the lady. "This Saturday there will be a 100 lovely ladies at the Lady. Cum and experience them. Doors unzip at 11pm" would be an example of the flyers. There was even a mailing list you can get on.

Butterfly, Silky and BabyDoll were just some of the names we became familiar with. And they became familiar with us. I think it was Silky that gave me my first lap dance at the Lady but I can't remember. There were alot of memorable shows at the lady. One that stands out for me occurred when two girls who said they were sisters did a show together. They were playing with each other using dlidos, pulling anal beads out of each other asses and for the finale. One sister put a condom on her foot and stuck her foot into the other girls pussy. Now I have heard of some weird shit but I ain't never seen it until then. I was impressed because the girl with a foot in her pussy took it like a champ.

You know back in college my roommate Timbuk and I were actually going to be exotic dancers. Now for anybody that knows me the first thing that is going to pop out of your mouth is " Venom your narrow ass is couldn't be a successful stripper". And I would agree however, Timbuk pointed out to me that woman like to have a variety when it comes to strippers. It's true some women like slim niggas and I was going to be the one that honed in on that niche. I had a name and everything, Chocolate Boy Wonder. So the plan was to hook up with a promoter that I knew as well as step up our workouts to tighten things up even further. But like all dreams of grandeur that failed before they even started and based on my chosen profession I think it would be frowned upon by my current employers.

However if there are any ladies out there that would like to hire Venom as their "private dancer". Give a brotha a holla on the comments section.

My First Time

2006-02-24T12:04:00.000-04:00

My first time in a strip club. I know I was in college at the time. I went my boys Squirrel, B-Love, Columbia and Ninjaman. We all piled in Squirrel's Monte Carlo and made our way down to The Wedge in Hunts Point. Hunts Point is located in the Bronx off the Bruckner Expressway. You can pretty much anything from street racing to street women in Hunts Points. If anybody out there has seen the HBO special "Hookers On The Point" it is one in the same. And if anybody has seen a burgundy Monte Carlo rolling throw the camera shots....it wasn't us.

We enter The Wedge and it is what can be expected from a strip joint in Hunts Point. It's greasy, smokey, kinda dark and the "ladies" are sub-par. During this time lap dances were $10 dollars for about two songs and there is no special room for the dances. If you wanted a dance you had to drag a chair over into the corner and get your feel on from there. Columbia was messing (dating?) with a dancer in their already so he was occupied and the rest of us had the pitchers of Miller just flowing at the table. Yes I said Miller, we were all between 21-24 years old we weren't making any real money at the time. So we are watching the dancers, drinking brew, cracking jokes and generally just having a good time. The night is winding down and I have been keeping a mental tally of the possible women that I wanted a lap dance from.

My internal thinking process went like this;

1) Makes good eye contact. If you make good eye contact and maintain it then I place you on the short list.

2) Energy. She has to look like she is enjoying herself up there. If you don't look like you are having a good time then I won't have a good time when receiving the lap dance.

3) Attraction. I have to obviously have some sort of physical attraction to you. Some woman think that if they are pretty and they are naked then that's all they need. That I feel is one of the biggest mistakes a stripper can make. You have to make yourself attainable otherwise you'll scare of some of your money.

So I picked my choice of poison and so begins the dance. I think her name was Cinnamon or whatever name she chose that compliments her skin tone. She tells me that she is a nursing student. I tell her "Aren't we all". She tells me that I need to move my big set of keys. I tell her "Those aren't keys". She then tells me not to stab anybody in the parking lot when I leave. I laugh and pay her for the dances. I had a good great time that night. Fortunately there are other stories strip clubs and you read about them shortly.

It's A Hairy Situation

2006-02-19T22:43:00.000-04:00

I SHAVE MY PUBIC HAIRS.

Whew there I said it. Yes I said it, I shave my very public hairs. Now why would I admit that? Because I don't give damn? No actually I am doing a PSA for all those gentleman who have sweaty nuts.

I can admit that when I start to overheat the first thing that starts sweating is my balls. Why I don't know but it is true. So of course anytime you start to sweat then you start to smell. So my first natural defense of protection is to keep myself as cool as possible. But that doesn't always work. Very recently I was explaining my situation with a female and she suggested that I shave down the hair on my nuts. She didn't mean bald but down to a mid level caesar.

So I decided to try this. I bought a pair of clippers and started the shaving. Now this was probably the most uncomfortable feeling I experienced. I mean first thought was that I was gonna nick my nuts with the clippers. Then the next thought was that this is gonna look really unnatural when I finish. And when I finished it did. Looked like a an ant-eater with its eyes poked out. But after a few days when the hair started growing in more it was looking alot better. My shit was looking like a porn star. I am walking around the house passing more mirrors naked checking myself out. YEAH, I'M A SEXY BITCH.

Okay so now after it's all said and done the hair is gone I am running at a cooler temperature. It still looks odd but I have gotten used to it. So if any you fellas out there have sweaty balls, just shave them down a little. The girl sucking your cock will thank you for it.

Also if there are any female bloggers out there that would like to see the results, just give me a holler.

Twhat Is That Smell?

2006-02-15T22:07:00.000-04:00

So I was co-hosting one of my best friends bachelor party, Cookieman. Now what made this party a little unique was the fact that he was already married. Cookieman got married to his wife IRS in a civil ceremony and about a year later they had a traditional wedding. So it was my game plan to do a bachelor party since I didn't have the opportunity to do one before he got married. Cookieman got the okay from his wife and it was on. Now since it is generally the best man's, Hulkster, responsibility to plan such events, I asked if I may do the planning since Hulkster profession doesn't allow him much free time.

So off I go to plan an evening of debauchery. I enlisted another close friend, Steeler, to help with the planning since we where doing the event in MD. Maryland is the midway point for guests that would be traveling from NY where I lived and VA where Cookieman lives. As per Cookieman's instructions a guest list was formulated and the calls went out. In total 15 people were invited and 12 were committed and paid for. I also got a limo for the fellas and the last and of course the most important detail was the dancers.

The Internet is a mysterious yet wonderful tool to use when searching when in need of information. Went to Google and typed in " Washington D.C. Exotic Dancers". Numerous hits came up and I finally decided on this site called "Dream Girls(?)". The only reason why is that the site had pictures of the girls that danced (excellent Smithers). So the first girl I called took a good picture but that did not translate well in the flesh. I set up a meeting with her and Steeler so he could check her out. He meets the girl and already he is turned off. Needless to say it didn'tÂt work out. So on to the next group, we ended up finding three different sisters, three different shades. Redbone, Caramel and Dark Chocolate were looking good.

The party begins and everybody is having a good time, drinks are flowing and money is flying. Cookieman is enjoying himself and so am I. Then one of the fine ladies breaks out a dildo and they get to work on each other. From that point Dark Chocolate brings out the whip cream and tells the Hulkster and Cookieman to lay down. Hulkster backs out because he doesn't want stripper sweat on him so I jump at the opportunity to take his place. Bad move, Chocolate puts the cream on her privates and then proceeds to sit on Cookieman's face first then mine. Now she spread it all over his face and then moves and squats over mine. It was at that point I smelled something funny. Damn do I smell mac and cheese? Oh hell this funky broad is gonna sit on my face. A little man inside me jumps out and says " Venom !!!!! Close your eyes and tuck in your lips and hopefully it will be over soon".

It felt like she was on there for about an hour. When she finally got up I ran to the bathroom to wash my face off. She must of have at least two of the four basic food groups in her pussy. I had to scrub the hell out of my face because at the time I had a thick beard and everytime I took a breath I smelled mac and cheese. Once that smell was gone though I went on and enjoyed my night.

My Mind is Telling Me No But My Body Was Telling Me Hell Yeah..Part 3

2006-02-13T11:58:00.000-04:00

Danger is getting on my damn nerves. Either in my face expecting a kiss or fussing over me. I do not like to be smothered and I am looking for a way out. It's not all completely bad. Getting brainwashed at the drop of the hat is always enjoyable but outside of that chilling with her is more trouble than it's worth.
So the time comes when her parents are going out of town for a few days and she will have the place all to herself. She has the look of lust in her eyes and I am in her scope. Plans are made and I come over to the crib to eat lasagna that she has made and drink wine. One plate of watery lasagna and 2 bottles of white Zinfidel later and we are on her couch making out. I'm finger poppin' that clit like a bass guitar and she leaking like a sieve enjoying every minute of it. We retire to her bedroom.
This time I have the proper protection and I am banging it like a screen door in a hurricane. It is at this moment that she is calling a name but it's not my name but sounds really close to it. I see this as a oppurtunity to jump ship.

Venom: "What did you call me?"

Danger: "What?, what are you talking about?"

Venom: "Did you just call me Poison?"

Danger: "You know I meant Venom stop playing"

Venom: " I'm not playing because that's not my name"

So this is going back and forth and she finally is apologizing profusely but I took the bitch move to get myself separated from her. She was upset and pissed but I didn't care because training was ending and I wouldn't have to deal with her needy ass ever again. After it is all said and done, training is about over and we are still car pooling but without the flirtation. We head back to the spot in White Plains to have a last farewell to the group. Danger gets wasted to the point that she is throwing up out my car window and crying as I am driving her home. She was quite upset over what happened between us. Instead of driving her around to sober her up, I make a B-line to her apartment, literally carry her to the door only to find her parents wide awake with a daughter who is shit faced. I make up some story about how she got that way and high tail it outta there.
**** To read more about Danger please check out Mr. Slish @ http://slishslash.blogspot.com/ . I am sure he has something interesting to say as well.

My Mind Is Telling Me No But My Body Is Telling Me Hell Yeah..Part 2

2006-02-11T11:44:00.000-04:00

Days are starting fly by and Danger is making her presence and intentions quite known. Here comes the weekend and the back of the bus crew with some tokens decide to on going to happy hour spot in White Plains since the class day ends early. Drinks are flowing like crazy because it is a two for one special and I am feeling saucy. We were doing Georgia Ice Teas (Long Island plus one), shots of Jager and other libations. Now it's time to leave and I am giving and I am heading back to the Vernon to drop off Danger and sober up. She isn't ready to go home yet and wants to fool around I say cool but because it's 6pm the sun was shining. So I am racking my brain to figure out a spot where we can get some privacy when she suggest a cul-de-sac near her apartment. So we head over there and I kid you not the clouds start rolling in like a bad things are about to happen and they did.

A rain shower begins and so do I. Blouse is unbuttoned, the bra comes off and those 36C's are exposed and running wild. Kissing, grabbing, pulling, ripping. All this fury is going on in the front seat of a Legend coupe. My pants go around my ankles, stockings go around her ankles and you can pretty much figure out what happened at that point. Now what I am about to say next will shock or disgust some of you. I went bareback cowboy on that pussy. Yes yes I know what the hell was I thinking. This broad that I hardly know, who lives in Mt. Vernon, is being banged till her eyes cross by me without any raingear (on a side note I have since taken an HIV test which has come back negative but I'll write about that story another time). Okay so the cum tsunami is approaching the shoreline and villagers are about to get washed out to sea. Like Cape Canaveral I blast off but I don't know where it went. I'm am the fucking David Copperfield of jizm because the whole shit disappeared. I look high, I look low, I look in between and find nothing.

I don't have any little Venoms running around nor any pending paternity suits so everybody that is reading this just relax. She also informed me that she was on the pill so if I did not withdrawal the troops in time it was okay. Wiping the sweat from my brow, I roll off of her fix myself up and drive her horny ass home. I cannot believe I did this shit in broad daylight but I am not ashamed. Yeah this was turning out to be a decent summer for me but as time moves on threads start to loosen and things begin to fall apart. You know bad things happen when people flirt with danger.

To be continued one mo' time by Venom.

My Mind is Telling Me No But My Body is Telling Me Hell Yeah

2006-02-10T11:21:00.000-04:00

***Please note this is a special story that has several parts. It begins with me, Venom, and will finish with Slish. You will be informed when it changes from my hands to his hands. Until then, enjoy bitches.

Have you ever met somebody that you knew instantly it could never workout but you have such a strong physical attraction towards them that you say to yourself "Fuck it, I deal with the issues later". This happened to me a few years ago when I met Danger in a training class for a previous job. Danger is about a year or two older than me and hails from Mt. Vernon. She is about average height, light-skinned, healthy chest and no ass. Now since I am quite fond of the booty this was initially discouraging to me however, Danger has one of the meanest walks I have ever seen on a woman. She would just whip her shit around like there was no tomorrow. I hated to see her leave but loved to watch her go. Unbeknownst to me, I was not the only dude in class to notice this fluid movement. The other guy that notice was none other than the infamous Mr. Slish, which also is the first time we met in this tale of debauchery.

So class begins and I am discreetly eyeing this high yella chick and learning the aspects of banking. That's right a nigga knows how to multitask. Anyway I was able to catch her eye or get caught by it, depending on how you look at it, and I gave her one of those "smooth brother number one" nods and little smile. She returns it and I am thinking to myself "Cool now that introductions have been made, I need to figure a way to actually speak to her". So lunch time begins and I position myself near to make my move.

Venom: "Hey what are guys doing for lunch?"

Nondescript white guy : "Dude I'm going to the deli"

Venom: "Danger, what are doing for lunch?"

Danger: "I don't know, I wanna sit down for lunch. I think I'll go to XYZ Restaurant. Do you wanna go?"

Venom : "That's cool, let's go."

I know that's not much of a move but this was in the pre-Venom era. So everything started off innocently enough just having lunch with her and various people from training class including Slish. From there she started to sit next to me in class because it was obvious that I knew what I was doing so she probably figured it was in her best interest to position herself near the smart guy. Here is where cultivating the garden starts to bear fruit.

We had a test coming up on the material we had learned so far and Danger, who was having trouble with not only the material but with systems as well makes the first move and asks me would I help her study for it.

Venom: "Sure I'll help you but my house is kinda loud and we won't get any work done, how about your place?"

Danger " No it's hot inside the apartment (late spring/early summer) is there any other place?"

Venom " I know a quiet spot we can go let's meet up at 6pm."

So I drop her off at her place because by this time we are car pooling, well I am driving and she is chipping in for gas. So when I return she has change from conservative attire to clinging black capris and a top that shows off her assets. Before I continue I need to tell you that we already had a conversation about relationships maybe two weeks prior discussing our likes and dislikes and I swear out of her mouth came the words " I am not looking for a relationship of anykind ".

So I pick her up and immediately notice what she is wearing but I keep my comments to myself. We get to the spot (local park pavilion) and actually start to study. So everything is going all hunky dorey and we start to wrap up the session in the car because the bench was too hard for her delicate ass. What happens next is kinda fuzzy, but I do know that she started to tickle me and of course I faked being ticklish so I can grab her and get real close. I am now in her face asking her "I thought you didn't anything from anybody" She replies " I thought so too but your different". So we start kissing really hard and BANG the soldier is at attention and she greeting him with a firm handshake. I, in turn, start petting her kitty because it was purring for lack of attention. This shit goes on for what feels like an hour when I finally break away and tell her we need to stop otherwise we are going to get arrested for indecency or whatever the charge is. She says okay and I start to drive her home.

While I am driving her home she is still giving me the five finger pound and I am using all the mental powers to keep my eyes focused and hands steady on the wheel. I get her home and proceed to walk her inside. We start to get into the elevator but she stops me and suggests we take the stairs. Following her lead we go up the stairs and halfway up we start making out again and she deftly slides my hand down her pants to feel her thong. I ask " Is this for me?" and she responds "Yes it is" (happy happy joy joy). The groping ends and I get her to her door with all my fluids intact. This might be one times where I experienced the worst case of Smurf Nuts ever. I kiss her goodbye run home jump into the shower and wonder what the next thing Danger is going to get me into.

To be continued by Venom

And A Side Of Cornbred

2006-02-08T12:37:00.000-04:00

In high school I guess I was considered sorta nerdy. I never was late or skipped a class. I was a regular on the Honor Roll I was not really into the latest fashions trends like 8-Ball Jackets because I felt, even back then, it was a waste of time for me to spend $300-400 on a jacket that I couldn't even wear the following year. I wasn't really teased much or bullied and I know I wasn't the cutest guy in school but I sure as hell I wasn't the ugliest. The girls that I liked never liked me "that way" I guess because I didn't play a sport nor was I a stand-out in anyway. The girls that did like me had unflattering rumors swirling about them. Anything from whorish activities to VD and no girl is going to admit to being a Hunts Point chemical toilet or lighting more shit on fire than an arsonist. Since my name isn't Magnum, Kojak or Ace Ventura I am not going to investigate a damn thing to find the truth. I can't forget that I had a chubby face the beginning of my senior year and was also shorter than alot of the guys in my class and was becoming a victim of pimples. All of which made me look like a freshman. This is also backed up by one of the girls that I liked that thought I actually was a freshman instead of a senior.

I think my saving grace is that I had some athletic ability, more than enough to play pick-up games with those that did play high school sports but I never tried out. That is probably what prevented me from being a total outcast that a the fact I was one of the few black kids that had his own car to drive to school. In high school having your own car to drive is almost an aphrodisiac no matter what kind of car you drive and when you get older it some instances it remains the same.

So what is the point of me writing all this? There is no point. I have nothing better to do at this moment. Just needed to write somethng down to get my mind off my job situation but I'll save that for another time.

Payback

2006-02-06T10:03:00.000-04:00

"..... I don't karate but I sho' know CRAZY..." James Brown "The Payback"

Put your hands together for a new character in the Venom Circus of the Stars, Akatude. Akatude is a friend of mine from school who currently resides in Connecticut. She has enlisted myself to help with a recent situation in her life. Akatude has been divorced for sometime from her husband BAN (Bitch Ass Nigga). Recently BAN lost his granny and has been calling Akatude for emotional support. Now being that Aka does have a place in her heart for BAN's granny she sat and listened to him speak his mind and heart about his grandmother.
Now that there is a link based on circumstances, BAN feels that he and Aka can be friendly with each other and even hang out once in awhile. Their marriage ended abruptly and the divorce was not clean so Aka really doesn't have a desire to hang out with him or be in his presence. This feeling was confirmed when BAN told Aka that if she comes to the funeral, she will see his current girlfriend TAB (Trifling Ass Bitch). And guess what, BAN met TAB at a second job BAN had when he was married to Aka. TAB just also happened to be one of the female co-workers that BAN hung out with at the local after work spot.
I know what you are saying, " Why would Aka let BAN hang out with a bunch of females after work and why didn't she go along?" Well for one Aka had to be up early in the morning for work and secondly she genuinely trusted her husband. She saw no need to chase after him asking where he was and who he was with it just was not in her nature. SO fast forward they get divorce because BAN couldn't handle the responsibilities of being married or felt that marriage should be one a particular way or whatever else was going through his head. This still is an open issue for her because she really doesn't know the specific reason why he asked for a divorce.
So let's recap BAN's Granny dies. BAN calls Aka for emotional support that he cannot get from his girlfriend TAB. TAB is the trick as ho who was scheming on BAN when he was married to Aka. BAN tells Aka if she comes to the funeral she will see TAB. FYI, according to BAN, TAB has already been down South to meet alot of BAN's family during New Years. It has also been said by BAN that he just started dating TAB just after Xmas. So if my Venom Math is correct in approximately 5 days TAB has impressed BAN so much that they take a road trip to meet his family.
Okay after hearing all of this Aka is understandably deeply hurt and then is pissed to the highest level of pisstivity. As some of you know I used to be a guy named Cornbred. Cornbred is helping Aka with the deeply hurt part but it's Venom will assisting her with the pisstivity. She has enlisted my assistance, Venom, to exact some sort of evil on this man. Now the quickest way to hurt a single man is to hurt his car and since I am a car guy I know of ways to disable cars. I am not talking about slashing tires or the extreme of cutting brake lines. But there are some things one can do to a car which will require a mechanic to fix. But I have spoken enough and I am not telling anybody to break any laws but I was curious if anyone can share a story they heard of revenge on the opposite sex.

Current Events

2006-01-28T17:18:00.000-04:00

So last night I met a new friend at this place called the Beer Bar in NYC. Nona is her name and dangerously sexy is her game. Nona is 5'5", a mixture of caramel and cocoa flavor with a infectious smile. She calls me a baby because I am a few years younger than her. Nona doesn't realize that I am 73 inches of chocolate playground ..a cocoa jungle gym... a mahogany wonderland. She needed a new buddy to hang out with and I fit the bill. Besides if have read my previous blogs, I think I need to slow down. So we had drinks and appetizers and talk about relationships and what each one of us is looking for and so forth. She's had enough of NY and is thinking of going back to Cali. Too much drama and stress being a New Yorker and I tend to agree.

All in all it was a nice evening, talking to a grown ass woman without the extra bullshit that goes with it. We had such a nice time that I'll join her on a museum exhibit in Brooklyn. IT IS NOT A DATE. I actually like going to museums and there is a new exhibit that she hipped me to, so why not. I would like to think of myself as a well-rounded individual and going to museums keeps me that way. And to prove that point I will also be going to the NY Historical Society next week to view an exhibit on the impact slavery had in NY State. This event will be with my frat as well as the young men of Kendall Cottage. It's a half way house for trouble teens.

Tonight, I'll be in a lounge in the Village checking out my friend Bam Bam that's DJ'ing the spot. I also invited a nubian sister that is a friend of a friend. I'm not gonna say that she is the next victim or whatever. In a sense this is like a blind date yet I already know what she looks like due to the wonderful world of electronic mail. The verdict is still out on the pic that I have, some people take good picture while others don't. I am one of the people who do not photograph well (Shut up Slish). But I am looking forward to tonight so well see what happens.

She Don't Know Shiznit pt. 2

2006-01-25T22:17:00.000-04:00

Can someone please tell me why Red Kryptonite keeps calling me. I told her that we can no longer see each other and she thinks that I was just putting her on timeout for what she said to me previously. She must be lonely or hard-up or both. She called me today at work with the usual bullshit chatter and then starts to explain that I am being mean and nasty to her by not wanting to see her anymore. She also stated that if I cared I would see her because when she doesn't see me she feels sad.

I was a Psych major in school and even though I do not have a Masters or a PhD in the field I can safely say that she is C-R-A-Z-Y. Just my opinion. She keeps bringing up the picture of a girl that is in my phone. A really young girl named Rice Cracka (Asian/White). Rice is young enough to be my younger brother's girlfriend (21yrs old). Not answering my phone when she calls and calling her back when I chose to she feels that I am out doing dirty business.

This woman is certifiable she has no clue what to do in a relationship when the focus is not completely on her. If she is not talking about herself or an outfit she is wearing or something trivial she has nothing to say. It's one of the reasons that I no longer want to see her. Then I get a voice mail message later on in the day telling me that she does not feel special and blah blah blah. Do I need to mention again that she wanted to date other people anyway. I should just ignore her calls completely but I want to introduce her to Mr. Venom so she can really see what mean and nasty really. I'll try and not curse her out but I won't guarantee it. I got enough going through my head right now and I don't need her insecurities.

This Feeling Stinks

2006-01-24T09:20:00.000-04:00

I learned at 6:35am that another good soul has left Earth. Mr. B is my stepmother's father. A quiet, gentle and funny man who treated me as if I was own blood grandson. I think the saying goes that bad things happens in three's which doesn't bode well for for my psyche. This really stinks. I know some people say that they move on to a better place and all, but I think if that was ever said to me after losing a parent suddenly I would punch them in the face. You can't always say or do the right things when someone passes. There is no manual. Sometimes it's just best to be quiet and hold that person and remind them that they have someone that is there for them. Sometimes I get so tired, I would like there to a month where I wake up feeling refreshed, alert and looking forward to the new day. There are days when the sun shines on this dog's ass and then there are other days that someone up above is just pissing on my parade.
I have never heard the cry that came from my stepmom like I did this morning. And I swear as soon as I heard it I almost knew what happened. That is not something I ever want to hear again. I can only imagine what my younger brother is feeling. He was very close to his Grandfather. I don't know whether or not I can make down to the funeral in Alabama but out of respect I will give it a try.

She Don't Know Shiznit

2006-01-21T22:42:00.000-04:00

So I was supposed to go to a two parties Saturday night with Red Kyrptonite. Kinda like a meet and greet type situations. The first party was in Queens and the second being in Manhattan. The second party is where my attention will go.

This party is apparently a superficial party where its all about whats on the outside and not what's on the inside. This clearly isn't my type of scene but I said I would go anyway. So all week she has been getting on my nerves about what I am going to where because this is a "Black" party where people there will be wearing all black. I don't own a black shirt and as some of you may know not all black shirts match all black pants.

I found out about the party on either Monday or Tuesday and the party was in the upcoming Saturday. So I had a very limited time to find a shirt for this party, a shirt that I liked. Red Kryptonite wanted to go with me to make sure a pick out the "right" shirt. The problem didn't come when she ask if she could go with me to pick out a shirt the problem came when she stated that there was a guy there that she used to date and she wanted to make sure that I had on the right outfit so "he" didn't think Red Kryptonite was dating a loser. WTF?!?!?!?!?

Did she just say what I think she just said?

(enter Venom) " I don't give a fuck what he or anybody else thinks, they don'y know me. Those muthafuckas can kiss my ass and if you don't like what it is I am saying you can stand in line and join them too". Apparently I have offended her with my statements. Fuck her. Early on I had told her that she is selfish and she corrected me and told me she was self-centered. Read a book dummy. 34 years old and she is truly clueless. It's shit like this that keeps the venom near and dear to my heart.

I wish I could do that back and forth but it's pointless because she doesn't live in reality and I am not in the mood to go take a trip to FantasyLand. All I can say to you is this I told her that we will no longer be seeing each other. Yet out of her mouth that is unacceptable and she wants to make a bargain. Bargain?!?!? The only thing you have left is a pussy and since I don't want the trouble of dealing with that this conversation is moot. Did I mention that she was planning on not continuing to see me seriously anyway? This broad is nutty and needs help.

To be continued.....

Chapter Invisible

2006-01-18T18:06:00.000-04:00

This past weekend a founding member of my fraternity alumni chapter passed away. Smack was turning 81 years young this year. He and his family have been our neighbors for over twenty years. During the wake my fraternity has a burial ceremony that we do for a Brother that passes on to Chapter Invisible. It's approximately 15 minutes long and it is nice and respectful.

Funerals remind me of my mortality. Death is powerful and scares the hell out of me. I think what scares me the most about it is what happens to your "soul" afterwards. When I die what will happen to my soul? Do I even have a soul?

I will be the first to admit that I do not go to church, nor do I wear a cross to symbolize my belief in Christ. When I do go to church 9 out 10 times it is for my mother because she asks me to come along. And I do have to admit that sometimes I like the message that is told. But isn't it basically all the same....."Be good to one another". I do not need to go to church to hear or learn that. I know some people do go to church to recharge themselves because they are in the struggle everyday and need to hear those words to lift themselves up and move forward. We all need in some way, shape or form need encouraging from time to time.

I think the reason why I do not go is because I don't "feel" what it is I am hearing. I've seen people cry out, shout out and damn near pass out through the words of the Bible. And this next statement I know I will catch hell for but...How do we know the Bible is even true"? And if the Bible is true does that mean the Koran or the Torah is false? Go tell a Muslim or Jew that their respectful religions is false and see what happens. I asked somebody that question and I couldn't get a clear response on what made the Bible true.

I was at a black tie affair recently sitting with a gentleman that is currently enrolled in a School of Divinity. He stated that some of the things they discuss will make you question whether there is really a God. This guy is in school and he is learning things that brings God into question, whch I find ironic.

I know my thoughts are all over this one but it was just something that has been sticking in my mind today.

Marriage

2006-01-11T14:02:00.000-04:00

Sitting here during my lunch hour and I have come to realization that I will never get married. I have zero patience for any woman that I have met after my relationship with The Bitch.

I was on the phone last night with my Mom and we were just catching up on things. Now prior to speaking to her, my Mom, I had called Kryptonite to see how her day went. She told me she would call me back in 20 minutes and when she did I was on the phone with my mother. I sent a text message to Kryptonite telling her that I would return the call when I finished speaking to my mother.

I got off the phone with my Mom about an hour later and called Kryptonite back. She then proceeded to tell ask me why would I call my mother when I knew she would be calling back in twenty minutes and then told me she was waiting for me to callback for a long time.

(Cue bad music)
(Cue announcer…This week’s episode on, “When Venom Attacks”, Red Kryptonite finds out first hand what not to say when Venom takes call from his Mom)

“ First of all Kryptonite my Mother called me I didn’t call her. I sent you a text message telling you I would call you back when I finished which is what I am doing now. I will not limit or short change my Mom on our weekly conversations especially since you already know how I feel about her”. Then I said “Is there anything else you want to bring to my attention”. Her response “No”. “ Is there a problem?”…I get another “No”. The I repeat myself in a even firmer tone “Is there a problem?” Her response is no again. She then tells me “ I don’t wanna talk about this anymore let’s just drop it.” I replied “ Fine, because if you keep talking you are going to dig yourself into a deeper hole”.

From that point she had heard enough and said that she will speak to me in the morning.

Just by what transpired above I really have no patience. There are, in honesty, only four maybe five women in my life that are wife material. Now it doesn't mean that I want to marry them, it just means that I recognize the good qualities in them that would make them good lifemates. All the others I have been in contact with through some way have found my one last good nerve and continue plucking it. I know my Mom so badly wants my to find a nice woman and settle down because of my previous experience but as Slish has repeatedly said “Nigga you’re just too bitter, you need to let go”.

Well needless to say I have not cut Kryptonite off yet. She sent a text message to me saying that she wants to kiss and make-up and last night she was only kidding about what she said. I know if I go over there tonight she will tell me that I was nasty to her and I made her so mad that she couldn’t get any sleep and whatever else is on her mind. While last night I slept damn near like a baby.

Marriage is not in the cards for me and who knows if it ever will be.

2006-01-03T20:28:00.000-04:00

THE ONE

I believe there is always someone in a man and woman's life that forever holds a special place their heart no matter where they may be. I have one, my cousin Fat Dave, Bam Bam and I know my boy Slish even has one. The reason why we cannot be with them varies from person to person. For some its timing, for others its distance and for some it just maturity.

Mine goes by the name Miss Tiff. I met Tiff in college some years ago. We at one time were Biology Pre-Med majors so we shared a class or two together. Now the reason why I remember her from my Bio days is because she is very pretty and seemed to have a " fuck you" attitude on her face. Back then I wasn't Venom, I was Cornbred. Cornbred was a shy, quiet type that laid back in the cut just listening and observing but not like a stalker. Anyhow I had academic issues left school for a year and returned with a new attitude towards my studies as well as a new major. I guess you can say I was re-introduced to Miss Tiff through my "little sister" MC (Motor City). So by default we would be together through my connection with MC, studying , a little bit of partying but nothing crazy.

We graduated and I returned to NY while she went on to finish her Masters. We have kept in touch throughout the years and became very close friends. Discussing everything from sex, politics, relationships, family and etc. The reason why I say she is my ONE is how I am around her and how she makes me feel. I have always had a good time when i was with Miss Tiss. There has been times when I wanted Tiff as more than my friend but realistically speaking it couldn't happen. I would like to think it was mainly due to the distance(miles) between us. I have never gotten into an argument with Miss Tiff and I know its because we know what to say to piss each other off and we like each other too much to be enemies. Plus she has been educated in the dark arts of Venom sarcasm and revenge so it would be like teacher versus student. I honestly can say she is one of my most favorite people to be around.

There was a time though that I was pissed with her and when she reads this statement she will know what it is exactly about. She had found someone that held her attention and stimulated her intellect and married him. Now when I found out she was engaged I was shocked. I didn't even know she had a boyfriend. Initially I was invited to the wedding however when her and her fiance finished having a discussion they agreed not to invite people from their past even though I don't think she mentioned me in much detailed but I may be wrong about that. Now I didn't find out from Tiff, but from a mutual friend, B-More. Well B-More got an invitation and Venom didn't so it wasn't hard to put two and two together. I was truly hurt not because I was losing her to another man but hurt because this is my friend and I couldn't be there to see her get married and she initially couldn't tell me at first. Since then she has profusely apologized and even is now divorced from that The Asshole (whoopee). We have been and will continue to be each other confidants. Due to our relationships with our significant others we did not speak as freely as we used to. She didn't mention her husband , The Asshole and I didn't mention my fiancee The Bitch. We just talked about ourselves. But when we were freed from those dummies is was just like old times and we have stayed in constant contact ever since

Today at work she confirmed yet again why she is The One. I was on the phone with Miss Tiff, as we speak every other day now and somehow we started talking about ringtones. She asked me what do I think my ringtone was and me ,out of Venom mode, responded "I don't think I wanna know....Okay tell me". She said that my ringtone is "All I Need" by Method Man feat. Mary J Blige. I've known her long off enough to know she is not bullshitting me on this.

This post is dedicated to Miss Tiff. She is a beautiful, smart, strong and sensitive black woman. Also I need to include that she is sexy as hell. She holds a special place in my heart and always will. I can say that she is one my best friends and without hesitation I can say that I love her. If there was a way I could give her the world I would because she deserves it. She's my future ex-wife, my Mary J and I hope that 2006 brings her love, happiness and prosperity. I love you baby.

Venom

2006-01-02T11:45:00.000-04:00

THE NEW YEAR

So what's your New Years revolution?

Mine? I am trying to get myself into a better paying position and better shape as well. The better paying position has to happen because I got word from my job on how much my salary will be adjusted when moving to NC. I will be losing 25% of my pay for the move. How the hell did they come to that figure? I crunched numbers all different kinds of ways and still could not come up with that amount. HR at my company is crazy, so now I need to find a different position inside the company or look else where outside the company. This truly sucks because I just started this position a year ago. My manager, Dicky Cocksucker, is a god damn prick. I had a talk with him about the NC move prior to getting the number and he had the nerve to say to me that I am not committed to the position because I may not want to accept the pay reduction. Then he goes to tell me that teachers make less pay then what I am making. You asshole I am not a teacher, I have a series 7 and 63 licenses. I have consecutive successful years in the banking and finance industry. Being a teacher is a noble profession but do not compare what I do versus what a teacher does.

As far as the better shape part I have been lifting weights twice a week and I will get into an exercise class when I return to work. I've been noticing a little pouch growing and I address that. Also I need to be even more aggressive when saving money. I have been doing good so far but I need to step it up a bit as well as pay down this credit card I have. God only knows how it got up as high as it did but the balance is what it is and I have to deal with it.

Some say that the New Years is time to reflect, to try change new things and change old things. Before there was Venom there was another guy name Cornbred. Cornbred was just like the food always good no matter what time of time.

Will there be a return of Cornbred in 2006?.......Probably not but it will be interesting to see if Venom survives another year.

2005-12-30T00:22:00.000-04:00

Grrrrrrr.......

So I spoke to Kryptonite Monday evening, after she had a chance to speak to some of her friends. And they all agreed with me. Big surprise for her, she is quickly learning that I am not some okey doke type cat that will go along with whatever she says, silly rabbit.

Then in a true Venom style I told her that if tries that flip-flop shit again I will stop speaking to her. This got her attention because apparently she has a strong affinity for me. So the end result is that she will not be going out with other guys while she is going out with me. Not because I say so but because she doesn't want me to go out with other women.

With that settled, we proceed to move onto the next topic...why was THE BITCH and I together for three years before I proposed. In true Kryptonite fashion, she states that it was obviously my lone decision in why we were engaged in three years and not in one year (cue Godzilla music here). And in true Venom response I said this...." What the hell gave you the impression that I was the only one in control of us being engaged. You have absolutely no foundation for that comment especially when you didn't even ask me any questions!!!!!" Then I proceed say that she was in school finishing her undergrad at Temple. THE BITCH graduated in spring '03 and we were engaged in winter of '03. Then I tell Kryptonite that because I loved THE BITCH so much that I was doing everything I possible could to make her life easier and happier but she continued to take me for granted and one day I finally had had enough.

She then tells me that she can't bear to listen to me talk about the person I used to love (cue baby Godzilla music). I have had to listen to her not only talk about the men that have cheated on her as well as her divorce. She then tells me that her situation was different because it was a long time ago. Grrrrrrrrr.

Kyrptonite is getting closer to becoming a victim and I swear I am about to tell her so.

2005-12-28T20:05:00.000-04:00

WTF

So I am having a conversation with Red Kryptonite this past Sunday about relationships. She tends to think in black and white terms, gender roles. She believes it is always up to the man to make the first move with no exceptions. The man should do this and the man should do that blah blah blah.

The conversation then turns to marriage and she states " If I have been seriously dating a guy for a year, I am expecting a proposal". " Why one year?" I said. She says" Because...I want to have more children and I want to get married so I can enjoy my husband before more kids comes along....I am 34 years old and I want more children and need to find a guy who will give me that before it gets too late.....Venom how long was it before you proposed to The Bitch"?

We were together three years before I proposed. This response gets immediately silence. She then proceeds to tell me that "we could never work because I could not wait more than a year for a proposal so we are going to have an open relationship". " What does open mean Red"? "Well" she says "it means that I will date other guys". "Okay and I get to date other woman...That's fine". She gasps and says that I cannot date other woman because it would make her upset. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!? Are you trying to tell me that you get to date other guys and I can't date other woman....Girl that is not an open relationship, what you are trying to do is tie me up until you find someone that meets your needs. She then tells me " I have to have a contingency plan otherwise I will not get what I want". " Kryptonite if you want to date other guys go right ahead but I will not limit myself to only one woman just because she doesn't want to share me with someone else...You have lost your mind".

This back and forth shit goes on for another twenty minutes and until finally I have had enough. "Kryptonite go ask anyone of your friends what you said to me and see what kind of response you get".

Now she is on the brink of getting cut loose, there is no possible way she can be serious about what she just said. I have no fuckin' idea what kind of nukkas she was dealing with before but I am not the one. So let's wait and see what happens, but I already know the results. No woman with a good simple common sense would agree with her.

There must be a classified ad with my pic on it stating all crazy nutty chicks please come see me I have a position open for you.

2005-12-27T20:28:00.000-04:00

GOTCHA AGAIN

So the next evening I get over there. She cooked chicken, rice and spinach and I, like the food pig that I am, eat every last bit of this. I wish I could front and say that she cooked but that would be a lie. Did I mention that I was eating this dinner with her son that I just met? Insert uncomfortable moment here.

After dinner I am playing video games with her son and we tolerating each other, i.e. he is not shooting glances at me and what nefarious activities I have in store for his mother. God forbid I get caught like Philly Live with him bursting into her bedroom while she is riding me like a crowd favorite in the Kentucky Derby.

His bedtime is fast approaching and I am gearing up for another round of word play with Kryptonite. She sends him to his room and gets cozy with me. I couldn't tell you how this came about but she tells me " You know I have breast implants". My reply " No you don't, I know breast implants and you don't have them" . She then asks how do I know for certain. " Well I have I have had extensive educational training from Sue's Rendezvous, conveniently located at 96 Gramatan Avenue Mount Vernon NY 10550 and besides when you lay on your back they flatten out nicely". She then says that I am deifnitely wrong and I tell her prove it. She lowers her shirt and says " See? Here is a scar from the operation".......Grrrrrrrrr I'm like" The lighting in this place is atrocious I can't see a thing". GOTCHA. She then grabs my hand and puts on her breast to feel for the implant. GOTCHA. Guess what? I did feel an implant, go figure, I guess I am more of a hands on type person. Anyway after checking for lumps in the breast exam it appears the only one I found was in my crotch. So I made a mental note to go to the doctor to get that checked out but it finally went away after a quick trip to the bathroom, i read the cure in a home remedy book.

So we continue talking or better yet she talks and I just nod my head say " yeah...uh huh....right...that's funny...that bitch sounds crazy". Yes I am looking to get underneath that bra and at those " tig o' bitties". But I refrain...why? because I actually may like this one and I am trying to figure her out to see where this goes.

So do I continue to talk about this one in a blog if I am really feeling her? Ofcourse, for now, the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

2005-12-19T12:32:00.000-04:00

GOTCHA

For the past two nights I was over at Red Kryptonite place. The first night I got there after seeing a buddy from a previous employer do stand-up at the New York Comedy Club. I call her and leave a message letting her know I was on my way. I get there and ring the bell, and there is no answer. First thought...This broad went out and didn't even say anything to me knowing we were supposed to get together. So I call her cell and get her on the phone to let her know that I am downstairs. She tells me that I will be right down. Five minutes pass and she still hasn't come downstairs so I call her back and tell her to hurry up because it is cold outside. Another five minutes pass, so now I am pissed and head towards my car to leave. As soon as I put my key in door she comes out the door and asks me what I am doing. What am I doing??!?!?! " I am about to leave because you had me waiting too long in this cold ass weather". She then says to me" I was cleaning and I had to get dressed". " Girl you looked dressed to me!" I said. She then proceeds to tell me that she just threw this on because she general cleans with little to no clothes on. Oh really?!?!?....I ran to the front door.

She introduces me to her mother that lives in the downstairs apartment and we head upstairs to hers. We sit down on the couch started talking about regular bullshit( sex, money, relationships and family). By the end of the night we are laying against each other on the couch but she is still playing hard to get with her lips but her body is betraying her. So my attitude is " Fuck it" I ask her " Would you prefer kissing me or grinding your ass in my dick on random basis". This gets a chuckle out of her. She then tells me " Maybe you should try coming 90% of the way and I'll come 10% like in the movie Hitch" I then said to her that "Maybe I'll just hit you over the head with a brick, take what I want and catch a charge later". I got her laughing harder now and she gives me a peck on the lips. I ask her if she uses her tongue when kissing she replies" Only when I am having sex". "Alrighty then I need to teach you how to use it when we are not having sex". She laughs again and gives me another kiss.

This banter goes back and forth and I announce that I am ready to leave. She doesn't want me to leave and asks to spend the night sleeping on her couch. She has an oversized love seat and is not made for myself and another person to sleep on. I suggest her bed and she quickly replies " If we were to go to my bed we will be fucking tonight and I am not ready for that yet but nice try Venom". You know a nigga had to try so she walks me down the steps kisses me goodnight and I leave. No more then five minutes later she calls me to tell me that she enjoyed our night together and is already missing me. GOTCHA. She should not have said that to me, we make plans to meet up Sunday evening at her place. I was supposed to help Slish that evening but he'll understand if I cannot make it.

To be continued.....

2005-12-15T21:07:00.000-04:00

I WISH

I wish I could say there is a part two to the previous story "The Firm" but that hasn't happened yet. I wish I didn't have to go to work in the morning.....But a nigga got bills and is trying to build personal wealth. I wish that some of these women out here didn't have these screwed up opinions on male/female relationships. I wish these trifling cats would stop screwing over these same women. I wish I could actually get paid what I am worth. I wish I hadn't met The Bitch. I wish I kept in touch better with some of my childhood friends. I wish this world that we lived in celebrated and accepted our differences. I wish that there really were WMD's so there would be some justification for the military action in Iraq. I wish farts didn't stink. I wish the woman that I am interested in would ask more questions about what makes me tick. I wish that I didn't get the feeling of loneliness at times. I wish I could lose these last 10lbs. I wish this blog wasn't a pain in the ass at times.

I wish.

2005-12-11T17:33:00.000-04:00

The Firm

So last night I went out with Red Kryptonite to a spot in Harelm recommended by Slish. I get there and you wouldn't notice it immediately unless you were looking for it which was good. The music was good and the food was decent but I should have pick a different spot for the first night. It was a little too much noise for the first time out and also I would have preferred in have her in a booth so I can hear and speak to her better.

So I am a little nervous because I try hard to make a good first impression. Red is looking good too. She has on a black titty halter top shirt, jeans and a some sorta additional top that puts those fun bags on display. I am dressed in fashionable jeans, cream sweater with matching skully, caramel brown leather and matching boots. Regardless of what you may hear I do know how to dress when I feel like it.

So we are eating and I am making her laugh and she is really having a good time. Most of the conversation is based on nonsense, so I really wouldn't be able to repeat it. She had the roast pork I had the salmon. She chose not to drink any alcohol and I did, but I ony had one drink. Dinner is winding down and I want to continue on so I asked her is she was down to catch a late movie from around my way. We ended up seeing Saw 2 which is actually a decent movie but since she saw it already she decided she was going to relax.

First she puts her head on my shoulder with her coat wrapped around her and dozed off, she then sits up looks at me and says" I'm really sorry but I was up late last night with my son and up early this morning to run errand I am just really tired.....can I lay across your lap? I say " Pretty woman wants to fall asleep with her head in my lap?????? Go right ahead.

In comes "The Firm". I was praying she wasn't going to move around too much otherwise my The Firm would have been in her ear all night. She falls asleep soundly and I continue to enjoy the movie. I wasn't upset that she fell asleep on me in a movie. Really I wasn't.

Movie ends and I am driving her home. I've been thinking about whether or not she kisses on the first date because someone women just don't do that others will suck your dick if the mood hits them right. I get her to her house and low and behold her brother from MD is there waiting to get into the house. Dammit. My hopes for a smooch go down the drain so I give a hug say goodnight and head home.

I get home and she calls me to tell me that she wished her brother hadn't showed up otherwise she would have let me in. What the fuck?! It was 3:15 am there is no kind a simple chatter that I am going to be doing at that time of morning and she knows it too. DAMN HER BROTHER. The FIRM could have an emergency meeting with the investors only to be thwarted by a special interest group.

Grrrrrrrr. That's okay because I persuaded her to invite my over tonight since I am not working tomorrow. Let's see what happens tonight with no brother around and I am stowed away in her room.

2005-12-08T23:52:00.000-04:00

Benefits

Being single does have its benefits. Being single especially has its benefits when you are a black man with no kids and gainfully employed.

I was at a Pre-Holiday party for the sorority Alpha Kappa Alpha in Westchester. Now being a active member of Kappa Alpha Psi I always have a good time at sorority sponsored events because it gives me a chance to check out the available sistas. I spy with my eye something brown and thick.

This girl is tall and I say girl because she is only 24. Dammit too young, I know some of you guys have the thinking that "If there's grass on the field then playball" but I don't need to mess with a young chick, I'd rather wait until life has beaten them around a bit and they realize that all that bullshit they thought made a good man really is a fantasy. That's where I come in with my " I don't give a rat ass" attitude and say stupid stuff like "......you see the problem really is that you have too much coming out of your mouth and not enough coming into it....".

Okay maybe I went too far with that one but that is what I think about at times. Anyway back to event. So I am there dancing with all the "older" women of the chapter when it dawns on me. Maybe I need to find a woman who is closer to forty. Don't they say that forty is the new thrity? Let's review, by the age forty they either have already had all the children they wanted or if they haven't had any children they certainly aren't looking to have any now. They are settled in their careers and all that baggage they had in their late 20's and early 30's are in the trash now.

All they are looking for is a decent man who is working, intelligent, respectful. Well I have two out of three so I consider myself in the running. I would mention how Stella got her groove back but her groove was slighty bent so I will just skip over that. Anyway I think this is avenue I am going to explore I would take Slish with me but he is in love with Barney's so I will be on this adventure alone.

On another note Au Natural did call me back about a week or two ago. She's in a football pool and called me to ask for the game scores, I wasn't going to change the channel so I told her it was a commercial and that pretty much ended the conversation.

What Happened?

2005-12-01T17:13:00.000-04:00

You would think at my age I should think about slowing down but I don't see it happening anytime soon. I was once in a committed relationship that ended really nasty a little over a year ago. Me and The Bitch were engaged to be married living the quiet life in Riverdale, when my future wife decides she can't take the pressure of planning a wedding. Mind you we really didn't have one concrete plan in place other than the time of the year and even that was constantly changing. She felt that I was always in her "stuff". I still don't know what that means and really couldn't give a shit and seriously doubt that she could explain it. There were also some others things she said she couldn't deal with which pretty much boiled down to her wanting her own space but with my assistance when needed.

Some of you need to understand that Mr. Venom wasn't always this way. Prior to the break-up with The Bitch I was one probably one of the nicest, most generous guys you could meet, ask Slish if you don't believe me. If I was on my last dollar I would give it to you if I thought you needed it more than me, that's just how I was. Slish has seen the transformation in me and I know there are times when he wants to shake his head and say " Damn nukka can you just show a little patience with the lady you just met her". Patience died the same day Mr. Venom was born, October 10, 2004.

My lack of patience has gotten so bad that I almost cursed out my step-mother the day before Father's Day over the telephone. I didn't but I did hang up on her. Any female that has met me before The Bitch is safe, all you other females out there....proceed at your own risk.

Some woman believe that a quiet man is weak man and therefore that man cannot protect them. Ain't you dummies ever heard "it's the quiet ones you need to watch out for". I think what surprised The Bitch the most is the means and extremes I used to rid her from my life. I did everything from breaking the lease on the apartment we shared to selling the car that I help her get, because she allowed the insurance to get cancelled and she expected me to help her get another policy for the car.

Even after selling the car and the division of the proceeds her last question to me was "Will you ever stop holding a grudge against me?". I looked at her dead in the face and said "Eventually...But until then I do not like you and I don't respect you.." I turned, got into my car and haven't seen or heard from her since. Sometimes I am asked if I miss her my reply " No".
My reasoning is that it is difficult to miss something I never had. I can't miss someone who didn't have my back when I had theirs. I can't miss someone would not go to the ends of the earth for me as I have done continuously for them. I can't miss someone who thinks I owe to them to make up for the tough childhood they had.

Mr. Venom was indeed raised better by his parents but still doesn't give a fuck. This psyche developed and morphed over years of dealing with The Bitch and like Slish has stated in his blog it will take a real and decent woman to give me the Anti-Venom serum. So all you needy, selfish Bitches with Cristal dreams and 40 ounce attitudes out there that think you should be given the world without putting in time and energy for a good, positive relationship....kiss my natural ashy black ass. I will demote you and only expect 3 things from you silly asses. FOOD, FUCKING AND FELLATIO. And if you are on your rag then open up and say "Ahhhhh" because I am cummin' to the party.

Venom Out.

2005-11-27T05:40:00.000-04:00

Red Kryptonite

Slish can understand what I am talking about when I say this. I was at the birthday party Saturday evening at a Spanish restaurant/club in Manhattan. The girl's birthday that was being celebrated was Bizarrio Dawson. She was given that name because she does look a little like Rosario Dawson but slightly off. Anyway it's me , my cousin Fat Dave, and Bam Bam sitting at a table eating, drinking and carrying on. The guests of the party start to enter when she walks in. 34 years old, 5'3" tall, light skinned, dsl's, and volumptous figure. Oh my god this woman is pretty. Nice smile and friendly attitude....urgghhhhhhh.....it's Kryptonite. I blame Miss Tiff for this.

We had a discussion earlier in the evening about me meeting someone that I would have an immediate connection and would I change how I feel about women that I meet. I said if I ever met that person then I would re-evaluate my outlook. Well after tonight I think I might have to do some rethinking. We had started talking and immediately started clicking and that's scary. I mean we actually do alot of the same things and we work in the same field. According to her I was saying all the right things, she knows my living situation, my marital status, my personal preference towards females. She is gassing me up like you wouldn't believe.

We start dancing and all the while I am thinking she is Latina when she's actually Black. I like her rhythm on the dance floor, she likes mine. I monopolized her time the entire night she was there just talking about nonsense and I enjoyed it.

She is stuck in my mind and I truly cannot can't get her out. Now part of me says that is a good thing but another part of me says that it is a bad thing. I will only talk about the bad. It's bad because I know what will happen to my psyche, it will become fried and I will not be able to think straight. I have to be sure and keep my head otherwise I will end up help paying for education, medical bills, car payments and insurance, rent.......I think you see my point. Red Kyrptonite is what makes Superman mortal and vulnerable to all of the elements. I hope this woman doesn't do the same to me otherwise it could mean the death of Mr. Venom.

2005-11-23T22:39:00.000-04:00

It is now official.....

I was told that one day my mouth was gonna get me in some kind of trouble, it did. Since my man Slish gave you a breif synopsis of my saga I will try to go into detail the best that I can.

On the phone with Au Natural and we are talking about the upcoming weekend. She is steady pounding me in the head (no pun intended) about sexing her up and spemding the night during the week. Now if I didn't mention she lives in Brooklyn and if anybody out there knows there is no quick way to Brooklyn. I live approximately 25 miles away from her and it takes me 45 minutes to 1 hour on a good day. I had a bad day and I swear it took me two hours to get home.

Well she wants me to spend the night there during the week and leave for work in the morning. I work in Manhattan which is really no big deal however she works late and stays up late. I wake up at 5:30am in the morning and go to bed early (10:30-11pm). Where I live is quiet, where she lives you need ear plugs to get a decent nights sleep. She has a full size bed, I have a queen size bed. The point I am trying to make is that I am more comfortable where I live versus where she lives which is why I do not stay over there during the week.

Okay back to our conversation, I told her that I decided to come over to break her off. But I made sure to say that I WILL NOT be staying the night. Though she did not like the circumstances, she agreed because she was horny. This is where I error, I proceed to continously tell her about not staying the night and do not continously ask me because it annoys the hell out of me. I go into the reasons why I do not come over during the week and why I do not get a good night's sleep. I then tell her that coming over is like a chore. Immediate silence follows. She tells me "Venom do not have to worry about ever spending the night again", I tell her "fine". She tells me "Venom I am pissed and will be in touch", I say "Okay" and the phone call ends.

Next morning I call her to apologize for the comment, she is still pissed and through with me. Slish, as always, is there to giggle is ass off.

Am I truly sorry about what I said....."Yes". Did I lose a nights sleep over what I said......"No". Will I call her again...."No". Do I care what her personal opinion is of me because of what I said?........"No". Now what's my mutha fuggin' name.......MR. VENOM.

2005-11-21T16:45:00.000-04:00

A Birth Day

A few years ago a male baby was born on November 21st at 6:35pm at Johnson City Hospital in Johnson City, New York and he has been raising hell ever since.

Yes today is my birthday and I decided to take the day off from work. Received birthday wishes from my future ex-wife Miss Tiff, my parents, Baby L, Au Natural, Big Sexy and an old coworker Flower who said that I will always hold a place in her heart.

I haven't bought myself a gift in awhile so I think I will purchase the new XBox 360 that comes out 11/22/05. I will also get this new CD Player installed in my car if all goes well at Best Buy.

My cousin Fat Dave called me today so I need to call him back and see what he is up to. I'll get some cake and some more birthday wishes and think about my life and where it is or isn't heading.

2005-11-17T20:44:00.000-04:00

THE HARD GRIND

Why do some woman want to cuddle when on their period? Better yet why do some woman want to make out when on their period? Even better why do woman suddenly have a toothache when on their period when making out? These are questions that I was asking myself when I was with Au Natural over the past weekend. She was on her rag and she wanted to fool around. Fooling around for me is getting my brain washed, shining the helmet, lollipopping.....I think you get my drift. So I was over there watching the Giants get their ass handed to them by the Vikings and Au Natural climbs on top of me. Now she talks more than enough shit. " Oh Mr. Venom I'm do this to you and do that to you and you'll be saying my name...rah rah rah". That will never happen. It's never been so good that I have said any females name. I'll them it's tight, I'll tell them it's wet, hell I will tell that's good but I have never told them whose dick it is.

Anyway we start kissing because she is sexy when she wants to be and then next thing that happens is THE HARD GRIND. So I respond because I am thinking well at least I can get some head since she is on her period. Nope. That's all I got is the hard grind and I fell for it hook line and sucker like I was some teenager whose never even seen, smell or sampled the pussy. I'm am truly disgusted with myself.

There is absolutely zero need to even vigorously make out when you ain't going to be able to release the hounds. Why bother? Your dick gets so hard that your balls hurt for 1hour 25 minutes and 10 seconds.....according to scientific studies.

With that said don't bother to do anything when your lady is on her rag, otherwise you may need a pack of ICY/HOT to get you through the rest of the evening.

2005-11-15T22:32:00.000-04:00

ANAL PART TOO?

This post is in response to the "anonymous" comment.

I am definitely a hypocrite. What is good for the goose is definitely not good for the gander.

Many moons ago when I was a college student I had to take a visit to the emergency room. I was experiencing sharp pains in my chest that literally brought me to tears, I thought I was having a heart attack because the pain was so bad my father ended up taking me to the hospital emergency room. I got admitted and they started performing the routine tests and get to THE test that is most troubling. They had to check my prostate gland. Now there is only ONE WAY to check the prostate and its thru the ass.

When the doctor said " Son I need you to turn to your side...". I started to tear up again. I looked at my father, who was in the fucking room, and with pleading eyes said "Help me". He just shrugged. Mutha fucka I am your son and this white man who seems to have big fingers is going to put a gloved, greased hand up my ass and all you can do is shrug?!?!?!? And what the fuck does chest pain have to do with my ass?!?!?!? SHIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT !!!!!!!!!!!!

People he brought out KY Jelly, the rubber glove and a determined look. He was going to get at my ass one way or another. That finger went up there and I swear I started to reach for shit that wasn't even there. Here's a better mental picture. Have you ever seen a dog take a shit, the back is arched and tense, the legs are doing an alternating slow walk away from the dookie, that is what I looked like. It was a most unpleasant experience. I swear if I ever have to have my prostate checked, I hope I have diarrhea that day because I am gonna shit all over the fucking doctor's arm.

Two things that I learned that evening. The first is that I am definitely not homosexual and the second is that if you have a pain in your chest do not get admitted to the emergency room otherwise you'll get screwed.

Here's your moment Slish fire away...

2005-11-10T20:47:00.000-04:00

Have you tried anal sex?

I was having a discussion with my future ex-wife about the subject recently and this is what she said " It would take alot of weed and alot of alcohol to get me loosen up back there....even then it may not happen" Why is that? I mean I know it is mostly an exit hole let's get serious if you were really hot for the guy you were with why not just bust out the KY jelly and start the party. I honestly can say that it is like a tight pussy. The holes are so close together that you can have a finger in the ass and a finger inside the pussy and rub the two fingers together.....so I've heard.

Okay maybe I know more than I heard. So I've had my finger up a few female asses. Fellas there are more ladies out there that actually like it but don't want to admit it.Out of fear they don't want to be viewed as a freak. Whatever happens behind bedroom doors is between you and that other person. But you must introduce that act very SLOWLY. Tickle it with a feather first if you have to. I know a woman who has let somebody lick her asshole and didn't stop him. I have not gone that far and I can tell you that I probably will not. Ofcourse I said the same thing when it came to eating a lady out.....so go figure.

Okay to do it properly the first time you need alcohol, a lubricate(preferably KY Jelly) and a willing woman. The willing woman is the most important part. There may be some begging, mostly from the woman telling you to take it easy, but take heed and don't go in forcefully. You must move your fingers in a circular motion before jamming it in. While this motion is taking place be sure to properly eat what's on you plate it will make for a most pleasureable experience.

On the final note please use your opposite hand. I use my left one because I am right handed. And also have some handy wipes or Puricell near by just in case someone likes to suck fingers.

Tah tah for now bitches.

2005-11-07T21:34:00.000-04:00

She didn't last. Tiffany went down both literally and figuratively. She called me right afterwards to tell me so. She didn't want to tell because she knew I would chastise her and she was right I did. Christ I think I may need to find someone else to corrupt.

I was with Au Natural over the weekend, she's funny. She will, on occasion, ask me about what me and Slish talk about. Apparently her and her homegirl Barney's speak more about the men they are dealing with then they let on. She will never ever hear from my mouth what me and Slish talk about, besides I am no fucking gossip and its probably one of the reasons why Slish and I are good friends.

I think Au Natural likes me more than she lets on. We are both Scorpios so it makes for interesting conversations especially when one of us is trying to make their position known. She absolutely hates my sarcasm not because it is rude it's just that it out does her own. I know I can be a difficult person but I have told her numerous times that the sarcasm only comes out when I hear some nutty shit.

For instance I met her in the Village on Friday for a quick meal. She orders mussels(?) and I have the fresh mozzarella. She then proceeds to tell me that I should try the mussels, I tell her that I don't like mussels. She then says "I ordered the mussels for you and I to eat you should have told me you don't like mussels". I cock my head and then say "You should have asked first if I liked them or not before ordering a meal for the both of us". The next evening when we met she tells her co-workers what I said and twists the story to her benefit. Shit like that has happened on more than one occasion.

Sweet girl and I do like her but there times when she gets on my nerves. She feels that since she likes me that we automatically have the same interest even though she has admitted that I am very different from what she is used. There are women out there quick to pre-judge a brother or make assumptions based on what they think they know and not on what they really know. Why is that? I know this is a "bullshit" post but damn I needed to get this out. I'll guarantee the next one will be sexual.

2005-11-05T13:58:00.000-04:00

I call my friend, Tiffany, last night while I was on a dinner date with Au Natural. I went to college with Tiffany and we try to keep in contact with each other through out the years. Anyway she is a recently divorced, sexy, caramel brown sista gainfully employed but she needs help. Apparently her ex-husband hasn't been giving to her how she likes it in her brief marriage and now that she is legally single she is on a fucking tear.

Currently she is messing with this one victim who we will call LM (Lil' Man). From what I know he is about 25-26 years old and is a analyst for a financial company and loves older woman. She has this poor boy strung and I am partly to blame because I encourage her behavior.

The question I have is this, I know that men and women mature at a differents periods in our lives, but if you ladies have been without good sex for quite some time due to a comitted relationship, personal choices or whatever when the hell kind of fire is burning inside you when you start having it again. I have had some conversations with this Tiffany and let me tell I have gotten horny as shit just listening to her. Mind you we never had phone sex but Jesus Christ after speaking with her sometimes I gotta go stick my dick in the freezer to cool off.

So she is mad at her jump off, LM, because he doesn't understand his position in her life, stunt cock. He is trying to set some boundaries and rules on how they will deal with each other in the future and she is not having it, however LM is adept at hitting her spots and next week her red-headed friend will be in town for a week. So like a good sponsor at an AA meeting I have been keeping tabs on her so she doesn't break down and break the glass for emergency dick. Being that her son is on town for the weekend that will help defer the urgency however, her son is 15 and capable of staying home while mommy is out looking for her daddy and and by the way her new "toy" is not strong enough to do the job properly.

So far I have told her two things;

1) Invest in a better toy
2) Invest alot of money in a better toy

I don't think she will last. Those that read this blog give a brutha some suggestions before she goes down (no pun intended). Also tell me ladies and any of you fellas as well tell me what your experiences are when having this problem that effects millions; MEDIOCRE SEX FOR SOME TIME AND THEN YOU GET THE GOOD STUFF AND YOU FORGOT HOW TO ACT.

2005-11-01T21:09:00.000-04:00

To the scorned and lonely woman that left the anonymous message and probably believes everything should be handed to her on a silver platter, 90 dollars was just for the games that were bowled it doesn't include other aspects of the evening like eating and drinking but hey thanks for the love and this current post subject.

"FIRST DATES"

Being that this is the year 2005 what is proper etiquette for a first date. Does the person who does the asking pay?, Do you go Dutch or does the man always pay. Why can't it be a Dutch event on the first time, not necessarily mandatory 50/50 but ladies if you truly like the guy and both of you are in a "getting to know you stage" why not subsidize some of the costs. If first impressions are some damn important then it should go both ways. I've listen to numerous women say that ".....I went out with this guy and he didn't do this and he didn't do that.....blah blah blah.....Mr. Venom I have come to expect to expect certain things done when I meet a man and if he doesn't do them the I don't want to be bothered".

On the first date !?! This guy knows you about as much as you know him. What if the guy were to say ".....You know we went here and we went there and if I don't get at least kiss goodnight after this then I am done with this broad...." a lot of you ladies would be pissed and call us men misogynist pigs.

The point is this there are certain things people do and don't do when meeting someone new. And spending money like it's going out of style shouldn't be one of them. Guess what? There are things out there people are trying to accomplish that requires them to actually maintain a budget. And if they go beyond that budget that they set for themselves, you may be affecting that persons future plans because you didn't eat where you wanted to eat or drink as much as you wanted to drink or whatever the case may be. Spending money doesn't always equate to how much a person likes you, don't get it twisted.

And on the final note, I was the one asked out and there were some things that the lady did pay for even though it was not 50/50 distribution.

2005-10-24T19:59:00.000-04:00

It has been made apparent to me that I don't talk enough of my personal adventures. To put it bluntly Slish is a bitch and what's to know more behind the scenes action. Here's your nugget you Batty Bwoy.

As some of you may know I have been going out with Au Natural. Let me take you back in time for a moment to our first date.

It was a Saturday and I was running late, about an hour late to be exact. I finally get to her job in NYC and we have an evening of bowling. Now I am no professional but bowling is a sport where you can easily get close to your lady friend if you know how to do it. Now we are bowling and drinking and carrying on. The next thing I know we bowled 5 games each which ended up totaling 90 bucks. SHIT !!!!!!!! 90 dollars and I all I have been able to sneak in is some cheap feels. She's lit from all the wine and I am on cruise control from the brew. Well it's 11pm and I'm thinking that the night is over but low and behold Au Natural suggest we find a spot to sit down and talk. So I can't remember if it was her or myself that made the suggestion but we ended up in Battery Park.

We are talking about this that and the other and then wham we start kissing.....hard. She feeling on me, I'm feeling on her. Regular lovefest out in the open in Battery Park. People walk by we stop, as soon as they leave it's back on. If there was a cop around we definitely would have been arrested. She honestly has one of the nicest set of milk pillows that I have ever seen.

After all that free love I decide that it is getting past my bedtime and take her back home. On the drive back to her apartment she invites me to spend the night because I might be too tired to drive back home. Now immediately the first thing that I think of is that this is a test and I might fail if I answer wrong. At first I said No, because the last thing I need is for her to turn into a stalker because I just met this woman and I really don't know where her head is at. Few minutes later she asks again if I was okay to drive home and wanted to spend the night. The Venom persona jumps onto my shoulder and says "Nigga you betta go get this pussy...." I respond " You know you are probably right....I think I will stay the night". I swear to you as soon as I said that I my funstick was harder than times in '29. Pull up to her spot looking for a place to park and she throws the whammy " You know I think its best that you go home". I said to myself "WHAT?!?!?!?!?! Are you fucking crazy don't you know I will catch a charge out here fucking with you"? I was pissed to the highest level of pisstivity. I didn't walk her to her door I was so mad. How could she allow me to leave with Smurf nuts.

I asked her later about what that incident was about inviting me in and shit and she said it was a test. She wanted to see what I would say, had no intentions in sleeping with me that night. Okay Au Natural, you wanna play games then will play but it will be by my rules.

2005-10-21T20:22:00.000-04:00

Okay so I finished lunch and the woman at work is interested in my intellect and nothing else. I have given her the name Amazon. 6' ft tall in sneakers. This is a big girl. Not fat just TALL. Thank god I'm 6'1" otherwise I might get a complex like Slish. Back to Feelgood.

So this week I have been playing phone tag with Feelgood and we finally connect. Light conversation because we both have to get up earlier during the week. Myself at 5:30am, her at 4-4:30pm for the hospital. When I left there after Sunday brunch she said I had an open invitiation to her house at anytime. So I test the waters for a response and say to her " Listen I know your alma mater is having Homecoming this coming weekend but I don't think I can make it, I have a 4 year-old that hasn't seen his favorite Uncle in awhile but if the weather is bad and your are gonna be around give me a buzz". Now I checked the weather report and so far it looks like rain but these fucking meteorologist are always messing shit up.

I know what you are saying. "Mr. Venom if you want it you must take it......" I also know Slish is gonna chime in as well with his two cents but all I need to do is mention Barney's and he should shut the hell up from that point. Feelgood is on the farm league...CBA.......Division 2. You must put in time and develop before you put 'em in the pros. Y'all should know what happens to talent if you push them too hard and too soon.

So I'll keep the phone lines open and see what happens.

2005-10-21T10:37:00.000-04:00

Okay I know I said that I would continue with the Feelgood story but I had to interrupt it for this quick story. In the previous post I mentioned that this woman where I work that may be hitting on me, well I received a call from her today asking if we are still meeting for lunch, now previously in the week I made a passing comment " Let's do lunch...." Well apparently she would like to do lunch and she would like to do lunch today. But the first question she asks me is am I paying or are we doing Dutch. First thought in my head, "why is she asking me if I am paying?" because honestly I didn't intend to pay for her meal. Whatever its just lunch and not dinner at Nobu. Then after I laugh at the comment and say I am paying then she proceeds to tell that " Good because I didn't know what I was gonna do". Hmmmm is this chick broke or does she just naturally assume a guy is supposed to pick up the tab.

Which brings me to my point. Why do women assume certain roles guys should have when doing things, like be the first one to ask the other out, pick up the tab and etc. I am not even dating this woman nor would I call her a friend. She is a coworker that's all, I have not done her performance review for a promotion. Hell I expect a woman to brainwash me if she is at the end of the month sitting at a stop sign but I know alot of times it doesn't happen. Am I the crazy one?

2005-10-20T19:47:00.000-04:00

My my my these past few days have been quite interesting. The job wants me to go to N.C. but hasn't thrown some numbers my way in regards to salary. I had to make a emergency phone call for a person in need who up until recently felt everything was status quo. And I think this woman that I work with is hitting on me. No matter how much I care people are still a$$holes.

There are times when it is great being single and other times when being single sucks. Moving on.

Got a call from a nice looking young lady that I met, Dr. Feelgood, the other day. By the title you can guess her profession. Anyway I initially met her through my friend Jerzeekid at a birthday party. Nice atmosphere cheap drinks and good looking single professional women, what more could I ask for. So the night is coming to end and I was getting a few nods and pleasant hellos through out the night but nothing that would constitute as overt flirting.

Get ready to leave and Jerzeekid introduces me to his friend, Feelgood. Immediately this woman gives me a good hug and a warm smile. Never met her before in my life so I know she is drunk. I start up a quick conversation and the next thing I know I have an invitation to join her and her houseguests for brunch Sunday morning at her townhouse....kewl. Now me and my dumbass said the following words that need to severely slapped for..." I don't know if I can make cause I need to get back to NY early but we'll see...." Yes y'all read right I have directions and a phone number to Feelgood's place in all under 1o minutes. Did I mention she is PURRRRRTY.

Jerzeekid gives me a look that says " Nigga is you crazy ?!?!?" I look back and shrug at him like some fuckin' retard and Jerzee has gotta swoop in like the Man of Steel to help a nigga like his name was Bitch Lane. " Don't worry Feelgood, he'll be there".

The thought in my head was this. I don't wanna mess with no drunk chick that may not remember who I was and when we met and why I am at her front door looking for some food. And anybody who has met me knows I dress casual to the point that you would think I was homeless, not a good look at times but I don't give damn. Met the girl at her place and I was greeted at the door by a woman in rollers. She obviously didn't care what I thought she looked like in morning....I like her already. Gave me a quick tour of the place, sat down and had a short convo before the rest of the house woke up, mind you it is 12:30 in the afternoon. watched "Crash" told some jokes and left. Got home gave her the courtesy call that I was in and thought nothing more of the weekend.

To be continued..........

2005-10-13T08:59:00.000-04:00

So yesterday was the day I found out that the firm is moving 45 positions to North Carolina. The move should be done by the end of 2006. I am 95% sure that I am part the move to NC but will get the final tomorrow or Monday the latest.

Pros - Homeownership which is something I have wanted for a very long time and I would have a very difficult time in doing if I continued to stay in NY, incentive packages, milder climate. Not to mention I have friends and family in which would make the move easier. I win a bet that I have with a friend of mine that curently lives there.

Don't get me wrong I LOVE NY but I have more love for NY than NY has for me. So the question becomes, why not leave?

Cons - Alot of my childhood friends are still in NY as well as a lot of family that I am close to. I've been a NY resident for over twenty years and am proud to be a New Yorker. I will miss it greatly. There is also a serious matter that needs to be addressed with a woman I used to see which may or may not effect the rest of my life and tonight is the night that I find out.

I have already told my manager that if I am part of the group that is being moved that I am more than willing to go. So basically come hell or high water (sorry New Orleans) I will be in North Carolina in 2006.

Since some of you want or need a joke to lift your spirits here's a really horrible one that I learned back when I was in high school.

What are three things you can't give a black man;
a black eye,
a fat lip,
and a job.

2005-10-10T11:40:00.000-04:00

Thanks for the comment Slish I'll be sure address it at the end of this post. I went out of town this weekend to MD to visit friends and family and had a great time. Spoke to that a-hole Slish on my way down, he's so damn interested in what's going on with me and Au Natural. Since he's gonna find out through Barney's anyway I am not going bother keeping him informed.

Like I was saying earlier MD was great. Friday I got twisted at happy hour and ended up falling asleep at 10pm until the following morning. Real great way to start a long weekend, get drunk way too early and fall asleep snoring on my mother's couch fully clothed.

The next day I spent time with my younger sister at her recently purchased condo in Baltimore. Real nice place, it's not in the stabbing, shoot 'em side of B-more. It's in a predominately Jewish neighborhood, with tree-lined streets, clean sidewalks, police presence and synagogues. 2 bedroom 2 baths with a stacked washer and dryer in the kitchen all for less then what I was paying in rent when I was in the Bronx(Riverdale). Just another reminder that I need to leave NY to have a better quality of life.

Fast forward to Saturday evening I meet up with my friends from the area, The Collector and Mr. Transporter. I've known them both since high school and we always have a good time when we get together. We travel down in D.C. to this club called LOVE. Mixed crowd that night with a lot of potential for some good mingling. Get inside and they are playing salsa/meringue on the lower level and hip-hop/r&b on the upper level. Get upstairs and immediately I am impressed. Good looking crowd and with cheap drinks I am sure to be rubbing up on "my girlfriend for the night". Get some cheap drinks in me and I am ready to go...."E'er body in the club gittin tipsy"..... but like the Geto Boyz my mind starts playing tricks on me, it seems that the girls that are willing to dance or even have a simple convo are really drunk white chicks or really big girls. The sisters ain't showing no LOVE to anybody, hell even the nachos, red dots and "me love you long times" are off in there own world. Collector and Transporter then inform me that we should have been here on Friday when the crowd is more receptive(i.e. the ladies are easy like Sunday morning). Thanks fellas, I was deep in the sauce Friday and in no way was gonna make down to the nation's capitol in one piece. Get home at 4am smelling like cigarette smoke and tipsy..... oh yeah by the way I promised my mother I would be in church that Sunday morning.

Sunday morning and I am feeling like crap but have just enough energy to get to service on time, which means we were 15 minutes late. There is a visiting pastor because my mother's church is in "transition" (they booted out the previous pastor for his inability to lead his flock). I will be the first to say that I am not a church going person but this guy did give a very good sermon. One of his messages was, and I am paraphrasing, "You need to say goodbye to what was in order to say hello to what will be". Anyway with that said I am going to be speaking with my manager this week about making a transfer to the North Carolina office and what that entails.

To be continued........

Almost forgot...Slish you little troll of man, I can expect you to adhere to the same rules of engagement when posting comments and you know what I am referring to. You should ask Hot Mama about weak.

2005-10-05T22:58:00.000-04:00

Welcome.

This is the first of what I hope to be many postings from me, Mr. Venom. You may have seen some of my comments on another site that a friend of mine does titled "I wish I had the life people think I have......". There are some that think that my comments are a bit off the wall. What you are going to get in this blog is just a piece of me. Every once in awhile there may be a profound thought, other times it will be laced full of expletives from some dumb ass that choses to test my intelligence. Either way I welcome opinions one and all, even though I think that opinions are like assholes...everybody has one and sometimes they stink.

Happy reading bitches....
Mr. Venom