Disconnected aka Losin That Good Feelin'

Bless me Father for I have sinned.

It's been uhhhh.....Shit, its been a long time since I last posted.

People don't ask me about the last story Red Dot because there is no story that I can really tell. Nothing went down between us and that's a good thing one because I wasn't looking for that she and two she is a BROKEN PIGEON WING !!!!! (what up Slish !!!!!!)

This story is about a recent trip I made to MD to see my mom over this past weekend. I was away in Cali the week prior on a business trip for the bank that I work for. During that trip I was having some email correspondence with Dr. Feelgood and she commented on looking forward to seeing me Easter weekend. With a puzzled look on my face I replied " Are you trying to tell me something that I don't know?" Her response was that since I am traveling to MD I have to pass through Delaware and since I have to pass through, I can surely make a pit stop to come see her.

Now I know I told this woman that I would try to stop by but I can't be sure because I have to meet my god-daughter and her mom at my mother's house by noon that Saturday. I couldn't ask my mom to greet these people since she does have a life of her own.

I get to MD unscathed and without stopping at Feelgood's place. No more than 20 minutes after getting through the door my mother starts peppering me with questions. The last and final question is about how are things with Feelgood and I. I give the same non-committal answer that I always give and try to move on from this conversation. Always the ever loving (nosey) mom, she then asks me if I want to get married and have children. My response....." I have god children and no desire to get married".

It was at that point that I saw a pained look on my mother's face and I think I heard her heart breaking. My mom wants me to have children so badly that it i think it personally hurts her when I say I am not looking to have any kids or get married. It all goes back to the break up I had with my ex a little over two years ago. Once out of that relationship my priorities shifted. No longer I was thinking about getting married and having kids. I have nothing against kids or the institution of marriage.

But I feel it's just not for me.

That little clock inside of me no longer works. And there hasn't been a woman that I have been intimately involved with that has the right key to get it going again. I have calmed down ALOT from when I first started blogging but you can still find a little poison in my bite if provoked, but I must digress and get back to the second part of this story.....Losin' that good feelin'.

It was apparent that Dr. Feelgood didn't like that fact that I didn't stop by coming or leaving from MD. She was so upset that she turned off her cell phone so she didn't have to speak to me. Now I do have her house number but I didn't bother calling it because frankly, I wasn't in the mood to listen to her words about " How we hardly see each other and I should have made more effort to stop by". I left for MD on Friday to meet up with friends and I returned to NY on Monday to only miss a doctor's appointment that was already re-scheduled.

When we finally did speak on Tuesday evening she was expressing how disappointed she was and how she needs to re-evaluate some things. I asked her what she was expecting from this relationship? She didn't want to answer because she didn't want to put her foot in her mouth. Now in my experience when you hear a comment like that you can pretty much assume that the next thing to fall is that "Venom...I don't think we should see each other anymore..." What makes it worse is that I strongly believe that it would not hurt or faze me in anyway. I know Dr. Feelgood loves me. I've heard her say it. Albeit it's only in the throws of passion when the walls are shaking but nonetheless I heard her.....on more than one occasion. I do care for Feelgood but honestly my response to her declaration has always been.........................(silence).

I'VE GOT A ICEBOX WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE.......sorry.

Well Dr. Feelgood doesn't want to stop seeing me but sooner or latter I will either have to shit or get off the pot.