What to Do, What To Do

Wow I have been so busy that I haven't been able to blog in awhile. I received this email earlier this month from The Bitch. The next post you will see are her writing to me and my response.
Nothing has been changed.

Venom.........I hope you take the time to read this, I know it is coming out of nowhere, but I just want to get it out anyway as I feel like I never really had a chance......

I don’t expect you to care about what I am saying, but I want you to understand that I never meant for us to be the way we are towards each other. I am saddened by the fact that we ended in the nasty way we did. I don’t think I thought much about it when everything happened, I was more numb to what was going on with you just as much as everything else that was going on in my life. I know I didn’t do a good job at explaining that to you but maybe I was assuming that you would understand what it was like to be going through a tough and confusing time in life. I had been there when you were going through things and I let you get through them, I didn’t know what to do to help you necessarily, but I tried to just be supportive. I guess you’re struggling with trying to make ends meet and my struggling to find myself and deal with the internal shit I was going through couldn’t allow us to cross paths and deal with things effectively. I will say that I do take some of the blame, I didn’t know how to talk to you and ultimately feel that we were drifting apart before everything went down. I didn’t want to admit it, but I also didn’t know what to do. I told you on more than one occasion that we needed to talk and we needed to do something, but maybe neither one of us knew what to do or really cared? What’s done is done, and believe me, that whole ordeal hurt more than I could imagine, I don’t know how it affected you, but I was more than hurt and was pretty angry with you. You accused me of things and did things that I thought you would never do. I felt stupid for believing in you for a second, but then again I know how people feel when they are hurt, you tend to care only about yourself and your feelings. It has taken me some time but I just wanted to apologize for my part. You were a major part of my life and meant a lot to me, more than you know and maybe even more than I showed you.

All that to say that I just hope that we don’t have ill feelings towards each other. I hated what happened and then what happened with the car. You continued to be angry with me since you feel that I used you or was selfish for whatever reason. I never went into this to get your money or use you to get ahead. I was there for you and you were there for me. I don’t see how you gave more or I gave more etc. It was a relationship. I tried to better myself, but not just for me but to hopefully be a better person for the future and a potentially better wife and mother. I didn’t want to be a half assed person like my mother. But I didn’t know how to get to an acceptable point. I’m never going to be perfect, but I try, and as I’ve gotten older I realize that to be a better person I have to acknowledge my flaws and try not to hold grudges. I don’t blame you or my mother, I blame myself for just being young and having no real idea of how to achieve the happiness that I never had.

Anyway, I am not trying to explain myself and seek sympathy, all I am trying to do is clear a chapter in my life that was there for a long time, and played a major part in my life altogether. I am about to head into another new chapter in my life that is just as scary and new, but I have a different outlook to where I hope that I don’t make the same mistakes I made before. I hope that you don’t blame me for everything and hate me for what happened as I was not alone, but I will say that I will always care about you, but you know you were not perfect, and I hope you can or maybe did work out those issues you had as well. I saw you not too long ago and I was hesitant to speak to you because I didn’t know if you would even want to say hello. I personally have no problems in doing so, but our last conversations were pretty heated, and I feel as if you hate me, like I meant to do you dirty.

I hope you got the package I sent, I was clearing out my stuff for another move so I figured you might need the warranty if you still had the laptop.

Anyway, I do hope you are good and if I never do see you or speak to you again just know that I will always care, and I am truly sorry for the way we ended. You will always have a spot in my heart because I did truly love you, and even though all this happened, it just doesn’t go away, it just changes some.......Bitch

First let me say that I never expected to receive an email like this. I figured that back in September '05 would be the last time I saw her. But I was wrong. As promise the next installment will be my response. Comment if you like or you can wait.