The Tin Man part IV

LJ builds up the courage to give me a call. I agreed to meet her at place to have a chat. We make very small chit-chat, asks me if I am hungry or wants something to drink (alcohol). She's drinking a glass of wine. She tells me that she went to the doctor and tells me that she is pregnant. At that point I turned 25/20 (25th and 20th letters of the alphabet) and went numb. She then proceeded to tell me about the internal struggles she was having telling me as well how it triggered tragic childhood memories that were repressed. Those memories I will not share with you but I can guarantee that they are in now way shape or form pretty.

Fits of laughter and tears she is going through a wide range of emotions. I am listening to everything she has to say but in my mind I am saying that she cannot have my baby. Not because I am not ready or because I do not think she will make a good, loving mother. It was in my own opinion that I don't know if she was mentally ready. She had lost a child previously and hadn't quite resolved her issues with losing that first child. This on top the "other" things that I heard that night confirmed it for me.

I am not the only one that agrees with this assessment. Slish felt the same way when he found out. I did not tell her to get an abortion. Not once did I say that she should get an abortion. I listened to her go back and forth on why she should and why she should not. Honestly the only words that came out of my mouth were "Whatever your decision is I'll support it". Back and forth, back and forth she then asks me "Will you think I am a terrible person if I get an abortion". I replied "No". She goes starts crying again and I hug her until she gets her composure. I offer to go with her but she refuses "stating that I don't need to go with her to make sure she goes through it".

The crying stops and she is now being overly affectionate and holding my hands. She has a look in her eyes like she wants to have sex and it is confirmed. I shun her advances and tell her we shouldn't do this. She asks why and I say that it's just not right. She then asks me the fatal question. "Don't you want me?" and my reply was "No". She lets go of my hands turns her back on me and tells me that she has some things to do and that I should leave. I gather my things and make my way out the door and down the stairs. LJ bursts out of her apartment and tells me" I'm sorry for everything and you don't have anything to worry about". This part is a blur she then told me something to the fact that she may not make it until the morning and the closes the door immediately afterwards.

I think about what she says to me and the conclusion I came to was that "LJ is gonna commit suicide !!!!!" I run downstairs to my car and call Miss Tiff because I am freaking out. She calms me down and tells me to call 911 which I do. I damn near get into an argument with the 911 operator about sending an ambulance because I couldn't confirm if LJ would commit suicide. In the end I told her that I would rather be wrong in calling the ambulance than wrong for not calling. I call Slish and let him know what's going on.

The ambulance and police come. I explain to the officer what went down. We go up to the door and I stay off to the side as instructed while they tell her to open up the to have a little chat. They talk to her and let her know that they have to take her to the hospital. I asked if I could accompany them to the hospital and the police said no. The officers I also told me that it's best that I leave since I may be the cause of her feelings. I leave and try to get some rest which becomes next to impossible. Some time passes and Slish tells me that LJ called to tell him that he (Slish) needs to stop meddling in her business and to stop telling her family her business, curses him out and hangs up. Why she told him this I can't remember but if Slish continues this story on my blog then you will find out. All I know was that I was mad at her because she felt we were trying to hurt her when all we were trying to do is help her. Fuckin' nut I prayed she doesn't try to call me after what I heard from Slish.

Months past and try to regain some normalcy in my life. Slish calls my number at work to tell me LJ has called him to apologize for her behavior and to let him know that she lost the baby. She intended to keep it and not say anything to me about it. I felt nothing after hearing the news. Not happy, not sad, not angry, nothing.

Did my past experiences with The Bitch and women after that make me truly heartless?