The Tin Man part III

So I stepped inside and the clothes start peeling off. LJ must have four hands because she is taking off my clothes and hers at the same time. Meanwhile Slish is "waiting" for me to come down when he damn well knows that he sent me up there to do the do. I'm half naked and calling Slish to tell a bold face lie because LJ is shifting my 6 speed like Formula One driver.I make up a bullshit lie and Slish drives off. There is very little clean talking to each other and alot of panting and sweating going on. LJ and I never had a problem sexually speaking our problems occurred everywhere else. I knew as I was in deep with LJ that I shouldn't be doing this but I was horny and I needed a fix and apparently by her zest so did she. We both finish up and we agreed to meet up again for a rematch. Again another mistake on my part. I should have quit while I was ahead. Sex with practically no strings attached and Au Natural's number in my pocket.

A few days later we meet up again do the do and as Slish put it, this is where I stick my dick into cement. After I came , I had relaxed and was withdrawing the condom but not properly. The condom slid off and was still inside her. When I first looked down at my boy my first thought was "Shit" then when I went to retrieve it I felt better because the opening of the jacket was on the OUTSIDE of her sugar walls. I breathe a sigh of relief, let her know what happened. She got up and went to clean herself off with a towel. They way she would tell it is that the condom popped and I believe that is what Slish was told by her. Not true the condom did not pop and I NEVER went bareback style on her. Also I need to make this note. I am fuzzy on the specifics (actual words) on why I stopped speaking to all together for the final time. I am sure it started with her bashing herself repeatedly and pushing me away saying what she thinks I think of her and the twisting of my words to something unrecognizable. Which is something she has done often with myself as well as other people.

Emails, phone calls I ignored them all because I couldn't deal with her bipolar craziness any longer. A few weeks had pass and I was dating Au Natural. Then Slish calls me one day and tells me that LJ may be pregnant and that I should call her to find out. I told him that I will not call her and she needs to call me. This stupid exchange goes back and forth for almost 2 weeks until finally I said to Slish "Listen if LJ is pregnant then she needs to tell me and you need to stop being a middleman, this is getting ridiculous. If she has a message for me and tries to give it to you refuse it". It was at that point that she sends me an email and that we need to speak face to face.

I wasn't scared of the event. The event being a woman may be pregnant with my child. I was scared of the woman having my child. And my fear wasn't based on personal harm coming to me. And you read why in the next and what may be the final episode of "The Tin Man"

The Tin Man part II

Like I was saying earlier I thought that was the last I was gonna hear from LJ but I was wrong. During our time apart I would still receive emails on occasion from her and would reply back but nothing serious just light hearted. My attitude towards her changed from liking her to being on guard with her because she didn't like the candy inside the wrapper.

I left a DVD over at her place and she kept asking me when I was going to pick it up and when was I going to take her out on my motorcycle. Like Scooby Doo "Huh?!?!?" This occured on a Sunday and since I had nothing else to do I got my bike and my extra helmut and made my way over to her place. We take the Hutch North to Merritt Pkwy and ride up to CT and back. On the way back I am noticing that she is massaging my sides and I return the favor by rubbing on her leg just to see where it would get me. The ride ends and I drop her off at the house, give her a hug goodbye and kiss on her forehead. She gives me a look like "Nigga iz you crazy you better kiss me like you know you should". I look at her and say"What? I thought you didn't like what was inside the wrapper?" She tells me that she was having a blonde moment that day and wanted try again. So kiss her until she is light headed and send her on her way.

Now I am thinking I'm some sorta bad ass because she can't get enough of me. When in all actuality there are things in LJ's past which cloud her judgement as well as effect the way she handles people and situations. Now Slish told me that I shouldn't write about her past. Slish also told me that I shouldn't write this story. One out of two ain't bad. So we are going through the paces of being with each other and the sex is grrrreat. But like the novel by Chinua Achebe, things fall apart. There was a internal conflict brewing inside LJ and it came to ahead one afternoon in August.

At that time I was actively pursuing avenues to get my happy ass to the DC Metro area to make a fresh start. I had mentioned this to LJ again and she went off on me. Told me how could I do this to her and how she wished she never met me and so forth. (Cue Godzilla theme...Venom enters). I told her I had wanted to do this when we first started talking and was as serious then as I was now. I had had enough of her mood swings, her constant questioning of why I am with her and the twisting of my words to something completely off based. I told that I was through with her and her ways.

You would think that after this encounter we were through with each, but that mutha fuckin Slish talked me into going to a party in Manhattan where I saw LJ and coincidentally met Au Natural (October 24, 2005 post). There were several mistakes I made on my part that night.

Mistake 1: I wished LJ a Happy Bday

Mistake 2: I walked her upstairs to her apartment because she was really drunk also Slish asked me to make sure she got to her door (he's an asshole).

Mistake 3: Horny as fuck, I stepped inside.......

You durty muthas can probably guess what happened next but you wont see me write it until the next installment.

Stay tuned you blog whores.

Breaking News

I had to interrupt our current story "The Tin Man" for this developing story. On the morning of March 28th I received an email from The Bitch. Now for those of you that are new to my snake pit, please refer back to the post "What Happened". This post is dated December 1st, 2005. I briefly describe the events that led to the death of Cornbred and the hatching of Venom.

I have not read the email yet because my day is already ruined by having to get up at 5:30am for work. I saw no need to have the double whammy. I'll read it tonight when I get home and will comment on it within 7 days. I'll either post the email or take excerpts from it, depending on the mood I am in.

It might be major, it might be minor but you'll just have to keep reading to find out. It should be a good story but not as juicy as "The Tin Man". Stay tuned bitches and now back to the "Tin Man".

The Tin Man

Something very intresting happened a few days ago. Slish called me up at work to tell me about a recent phone call he received. This call was from a woman who I had dated briefly last year and ended abruptly. Here's a little background information. Slish, Venom and LJ (Lil Jamaica) all worked for the same discount brokerage firm a few years back. Slish was cool with this girl but she hardly spoke to me, which didn't bother me because I was with The Bitch at the time and couldn't care less besides she always seemed to have an "attitude".

Fast forward to last year I was reintroduced to LJ at one of Slish's events. I spoke to her she spoke to me and we got along just fine. So fine that she gave me her number and told me to keep in touch, which I did by asking her out on a date, several dates. She wasn't into labels and wanted to take things slow and I was cool with that. We had started becoming closer and by closer I mean intimate and we were doing alot of things together, meeting for lunch or afterwork for drinks. We have our little bumps along the way but nothing that cannot be handled. I'm thinking things are going well until we decide to take a trip up to Boston for the Fourth of July. We catch the Fung Wah Bus and head to Boston for the day. This is where I really notice a change. She being a bit stand-offish and keeping her distance from me without exactly running away. I ask her several times if she is okay or is there something wrong. She says "No" but her body language doesn't change. So I chalk it up to her being in her "moods" which will eventually pass. Get back from Boston, drop her off and make my way home. A few days later she either calls or sends me an email I can't quite remember but LJ stated that we need to meet up face to face and have a chat.

We meet in Manhattan and she is being unusually quiet. When she does break her silence she uses her gift of language and states that she can no wants to continue to see me. Her exact words were " I like the wrapper but do not like the candy inside". Now in my head my first thought was " What the hell does that mean?!?!" So clarification I ask "Are you saying you don't want to date me anymore?" She says yes and I am fuming but I remain calm and didn't protest or make any objections. I think the most I said was if you see me in the street or something don't get a funny face when I say hello. She responded with same type of statement and we parted ways for what I thought was for good.

To be continued...

The Mistress

This is so silly.

So I get a call the other day from my One, Tiff. Apparently she and my Mistress are chatting it up and having drinks. Awww hell I didn't think they would start socializing after meeting one time. Yes they are both in the same sorority but this is gonna fuck up my whole plan. The last thing I need is my One to find out I've been cheating on her. I already lost so much from the first time around with The Bitch and if Mistress blows the whistle then Tiff is gonna have my nuts. I don't mind the money issue, I can always make more money. But please don't take away my pussy.

I finish my abbreviated call with my future ex and I swear no more than ten minutes later I get a call from Mistress. She's been reading the blog and she's pissed.

Mistress: "Venom why don't you write about me in the blog"

Venom: "Because baby you are special to me and I don't want to share you with anybody else"

Mistress: " Nigga I share you with your wife!"

Venom: "Come one now Boo you know that's not fair, I told you before I was getting a divorce it just takes time"

Mistress : "Well listen up Venom, I am tired of getting the day before Valentine's, the 2nd day after New Years' and all the other shitty days."

Venom : "Honey you know I can't just leave. My lawyer said I need things finalized first, besides I think she's cheating on me with some Lil Man and I need to get proof."

Mistress: "Yeah well mutha made ya and mutha fuck ya, nigga if you don't write something about me I'm going to tell (click. she hangs up)

Venom: SHIT !!!!!!!

Listen if the Mistress's coochie wasn't so sweet to eat I would have told her to go to hell but I didn't and now I have resigned to writing this fluff piece for her. Let me try and give you a visual of my Mistress. In heels she almost if not 6 feet tall, dark hair that runs down to her shoulders. A silky smooth caramel complexion, very well proportioned and a infectious smile. Oww weee is thick and thin in all the right places. The reason why she is my Mistress is obvious to just me. She does things that my wife won't do, like giving me professionals. I either gotta have my wallet ready or a tablets of GHB or rohypnol to get some special service from Tiff. Not with The Mistress, I could be watching the game and she'll pop it in. I could be driving to the corner market and she'll pop in. I could be walking to the kitchen to make and sandwich and SHE WILL POP IT IN ! Like a baby with a pacifier it soothes her. And of course I am more than happy to oblige.

Fellas have you ever just had the picture of someone in your head and immediately you get a chubby. That's what The Mistress does for me. I don't appreciate her making that threat but I can understand where it's coming from. She feels neglected and right fully so because a lot of my free time is spent with Tiff. I'm sorry baby Big Daddy will be there tonight to make it right.

This is so silly.

And Then They Met Sue

***This is a continuation of the strip club experience***

Okay at the time of this episode I have been living in New York for about 4 years since graduating and one of my college housemates, Timbuk, is getting married and I was chosen as the best man. Cool that means I get to plan a bachelor party. So I get to work, initially I was going to have the ladies come over to Fat Dave's place and dance but then I decided against that and chose going out to the clubs instead. The Horseman arrive into NY from MD early Friday evening. It's Steeler, Heybo, Baby Stewie and Timbuk piled in a Expedition with a cooler of brew riding shotgun. This is their first time in NY and I wanted to make sure they had a good time.

The first night we went to a spot in Hunts Point called The Playhouse(?). This place is does not have top shelf women, nor does it have second tier. This is the type of place where you could get either shot or stabbed by the dancers themselves. Every other girl in this place is recovering from being hit with mustard gas, bullets or manhole covers. The lap dances don't occur in a chair but up against a wall in the corner, it has to be worst than the The Wedge. Now the $20 question is "Venom why the hell would you take the Horseman to this spot?" Simply put I wanted to show them what a bad strip club in NY is like versus a good one. I can't remember if I got cursed out that night for taking them there but I knew they would appreciate the next place I took them to the following evening.

Saturday evening quickly approaches I take them to a local spot in money earning Mt. Vernon that wasn't getting as much shine as it is now, Sue's Rendezvous. For them it was love at first sight. Them fools saw all flavors of ice cream, french vanilla, butter pecan and chocolate deluxe. I was over at another a table figuring out how to propose to this angel dancing in front of me and when I peep over my shoulder to look for the fellas. The Horseman were huddled around this brown skinned chica with 2 midgets in her dress when all of the sudden her top mysteriously dropped and the midgets ran free like two bad ass kids that ain't never been no where.
They had a blast at Sue's so much that they were planning another trip to NY just so they can go to Sue's again. They never did make it but they still have those mammary's fresh in their mind. I know they aren't gay but the Horseman professed their love for me that night in the most elegant of words.

Horseman: WE LOVE YOU MAN !!!!!!!!

Venom: Yeah yeah whateva, if y'all love me so much why dontcha buy a nigga a table dance?

The Day Was A Good Day

What can I say, I had a good weekend. I went down to Newark, Delaware to support a Greek basketball hosted by local AKA chapter. The Kappas won the event by beating the Ques by five. My co-pilot on the trip down was J Black. J Black is a neo who joined Kappa in Spring '05 and loves being a Greek. Anytime there is an event that deals with the our female counterparts, he wants to be there. He heard that I was going down and jumped at the opportunity. So we head down in the Grey Ghost doing the pre-requisite 80 mph on the NJ turnpike, give a call to Dr. Mindbender and let him know my status. Now in a previous post I mention a pretty girl I met on my last trip down there by the name Dr. Feelgood. Well it was her chapter that was hosting the event so I was REALLY looking forward to getting down there to see her as well as my line brother DopeMan.

J Black and I arrive late as only black folks can, pay our fee and enter. We start walking down the hall and here comes Dr. Feelgood smiling. Now I am thinking she is smiling when she sees me but in fact she is smiling just because that's how she is and doesn't recognize me until I am 15 feet away from her (She didn't have her contacts in nor her glasses on). I introduce her to J Black and receive a generous hug and move head to a game already in progress. I saw my line brother, his wife and one of their daughters Babygirl. This little girl is so cute and getting big, it seems like she was just crawling the last time I saw her and now she is walking and talking.
Fast forward to post game activities and the plan is to go back to Feelgood's house for a BBQ and drinks. Before I even take to the grill for food, J Black, Mindbender and I head to the liquor store and grocery store. We pick up 2 bottles of Henny, 1 bottle of Bacardi Apple and 1 btl of Johnny Walker Black. Which when looking at it initially it is not alot but Feelgood had liquor at her place and the bottle of Bacardi I pick up is the largest they had so it was just enough. Get back to her(Feelgood) place and I dropped my bottle of Bacardi. AWWWW HELLLLLL NO. Since I am a very social drinker I immediately went back to the store bought another bottle and added Raspberry Stoli to the mix.

The party is moving and so are the drinks. J Black is killing that Johnny Walker and building up his liquid courage to talk to this TALL light-skinned sista, Chetara. He's getting his mini-mac on and I am having a good time watching him go through his game. Mindbender being a renaissance type of guy is putting some color into the bland potato salad and preparing some peach cobbler (which was real good). I have my Bacardi Apple and Cranberry and flirting with Feelgood any opportunity I can get. J Black approaches me with an observant inquiry. "Does Feelgood like you"? I reply "Yes but I am not sure how much she likes me and don't wanna open the door on that issue". Logistically speaking I would have a difficult time dating her for the mere fact that she lives at least 2.5 hours away. Also my living situation though beneficial to me is not conducive to an adult relationship. Meaning it would be difficult for quality alone time with my family in the house and their sporadic interuptions. So instead of wondering what could be, I just enjoy my little moments that I get to have near her.

The music is going people are getting even more relaxed and jokes are flying around the room left and right. I wish I could effectively explain what happen next but even with my vocabulary, 2 dictionarys and a thesaurus could I describe the silliness that went on. It was definitely something that had to be witnessed. Nothing X-rated. The best I can say is that their were skits of two songs being acted out. One was "In The Closet" by R. Kelly and the other was "Grillz" by Nelly feat Paul Wall and Big Gipp. It was one of those moments in time where you forget about being an adult for just a minute and get reacquainted with your inner child. If Mindbender posts a comment maybe he will describe one of the skits.

All I can say is that this is definitely a memorable weekend. Thank you Dr. Feelgood and the lovely ladies of Alpha Kappa Alpha.

I Can't Believe There Is A Part Two

Yes a second part to " Another Cock In The Hen House". So I was on the phone today with Miss Tiff and she was discussing the issues she has been having with LM since I left NC this past weekend. He is apparently upset at Miss Tiff's behavior the last night I was there. As I stated in the previous post, Miss Tiff had ALOT to drink that day and was feeling........well......horny as shit. Now it should be known that she doesn't want a committed relationship at this time because of her recent divorce. Also let me remind you that LM was blowing up her phone since I arrived in town.

Here is where the information is new. It is based on a conversation that occured in the car while I was driving but not listening in. LM was upset at the way Miss Tiff was talking to him. To paraphrase she stated "LM, you need to come over and handle this!!!" Now what I just stated I did over hear what I didn't over hear was the back and forth going on between them. Pretty much by the end of the conversation LM had frustrated Miss Tiff. Miss Tiff then says and this is a quote " Fuck it, I don't need you to come over tonight anyway"! Whether or not she hung up the phone from point I don't know but the damage is already done.

After she told me this, even I winced but then I giggled my mutha fuckin ass off. First of all no man wants to hear, from a lady he is fucking, that there is another man out there who his lady genuinely loves, not in love with but loves. And that same man sure as shit doesn't want this out of town nigga coming in for the weekend while he is not around. And when Miss Tiff made that comment, I explained to her the first thought that would come to my mind as the man who is tapping that ass is "Fuck it, I don't need to come over tonight anyway BECAUSE I have warm dick in the house already there......NIGGA".

Tiff then proceeds to tell me that she understood that he was mad but she didn't understand why he still came over if he was so mad AND why the hell he had brunch with Tiff and my fifedom only to tell her that he was putting her on timeout for a couple of days. I told her that it didn't matter how mad he was he was not going to take a chance of you hooking up with me. Now I would not purposely push up on Miss Tiff however, I ain't no fool either. And I'll leave it at that.

So I gotta ask this question to both male and female bloggers out there your thoughts and opinions on what Miss Tiff said " Fuck it, I don't need you to come over tonight anyway" And LM actions thereafter. By the way he must have been over there within 30 minutes of us stepping through the door and quickly went to bed with my future ex. And playing devil's advocate, I mentioned to her that since she doesn't remember being sexed up maybe she called out someone else's name........mine. LMAOF

Another Cock In The Hen House

I was down in Charlotte, NC this past weekend for CIAA basketball tournament. For those that do not know, the CIAA tournament is the Black college version of NIT or NCAA tournament only shorter. The weekend didn't have a promising start. My flight out of LaGuardia was delayed for two hours for some unknown reason. However I finally get on the this puddle jumper and land without incident in Charlotte. Things are looking up because it is sunny and the temperature is in the 50's.

I shed some of the NY garb that I had on. Meaning I removed my skully and waited for my ride and host for the weekend my One and future ex-wife, Miss Tiff. As always Miss Tiff is pleasant to look at and we make our way to the mall. I detest the mall and if Miss Tiff didn't know then she knows now. But since it has been a little over a year since I have last seen her and 4 years prior to that, I just sucked it up and trooped on. I had made a promise to Miss Tiff to get her a house warming gift. And I fulfilled that by buying her a comforter and bed skirt for her bed at the Palace. The shopping continues, I make a not so subtle hint that I am hungry and we catch a quick bit to eat. Up to this point her "man(?)", Little Man, has been making more calls than he usually does through out the day. Hmmm I wonder why? We continue eating and solidify plans to meet up with one of her girls from Richmond who I haven't seen in awhile, Sidepiece. Now the name doesn't reflect in anyways who she is as a person. The reason I call her Sidepiece because in my little fifedom there are three main women in my life. Miss Tiff (aka The One aka Future Ex Wifey), The Mistress and SidePiece. Miss Tiff gets all my money when we divorce because she caught me cheating with the Mistress and I end up being with Sidepiece by default. Which when you step back and really look at the group, all of these ladies are very attractive so I really don't end up losing.

Not much happened on Friday other Bizmarkie's party and some light drinking of Hypnotiq and a double shot of Patron Anejo. Saturday was a little different. I started drinking at 12:30pm, stopped in between 7-9pm and started again after that. More Hypnotiq, Heinekens, Rum and LemonDrop shots. I was mixing the hell out of everything and feeling nice. The Mistress is killing the Cranberry Vodkas, Miss Tiff has a strangle hold on the Lemondrop shots, apple Martini's, and whatever else she can get her hands on and finally Sidepiece is feeling a little under the weather so she started off with juice and then retired to the apple Martinis. Like yesterday LM is blowing up Miss Tiff's phone like a suicide bomber and I am the reason why. He felt threatened by my presence even though Miss Tiff's relationship with me is non-sexual....for the moment (insert evil laugh). Anyway we (Miss Tiff, Sidepiece and myself) had back to the house and LM is pissed that we did not turn around to pick him up. As designated I made an executive decision to take my ladies home, besides one had to use the bathroom and the other wasn't feeling too great. We get back to the Palace and Miss Tiff was waiting for her appointment with Jimmy. LM enters and is introduced to Sidepiece and they head downstairs. Neither Miss Tiff nor Sidepiece knew that I was still awake otherwise I would have met my "nemesis".

Now it is my opinion that LM needs to impress me and not the other way around, due to the fact I have deference and have known Miss Tiff since college. I swear I did not hear anything but I can bet you dollars to donuts that when the doors closed on the room in the lowest level LM wanted to murder that pussy. I guess he wanted to drive home the point that he was the only one fucking Miss Tiff that weekend and wanted her and myself to remember it. The unfortunate thing for LM is that I didn't hear a peep and Miss Tiff drank so much that she can't remember a damn thing which serves her right, selfish nigga. Sidepiece and I are upstairs on dry dock looking at each other while 2 floors below LM is probably trying to punch a hole through the chooch. LM cannot take my spot in Miss Tiff's life no matter what he says, no matter what he does, no matter how well he does it. It's not that I think that I am all that. Okay maybe just a little, but I have time invested and when you have as much time invested as me the only way I can lose it, is if I fuck it up. And since I don't plan on doing that, all of you insecure bitch niggas can expect to hear my name spoken with Coke and a smile. And for you ladies out there you can expect the same when I mention Miss Tiff name.

So the weekend has ended and even though I saw no parts of any pussy I still had a good time. And yes the call volume from LM did drop after I left, go figure. He acts like phone sex doesn't exist. So once again LM feels safe and secure in his "position" and I am giggling my ass off at his expense.