Red Kryptonite

Slish can understand what I am talking about when I say this. I was at the birthday party Saturday evening at a Spanish restaurant/club in Manhattan. The girl's birthday that was being celebrated was Bizarrio Dawson. She was given that name because she does look a little like Rosario Dawson but slightly off. Anyway it's me , my cousin Fat Dave, and Bam Bam sitting at a table eating, drinking and carrying on. The guests of the party start to enter when she walks in. 34 years old, 5'3" tall, light skinned, dsl's, and volumptous figure. Oh my god this woman is pretty. Nice smile and friendly attitude....urgghhhhhhh.....it's Kryptonite. I blame Miss Tiff for this.

We had a discussion earlier in the evening about me meeting someone that I would have an immediate connection and would I change how I feel about women that I meet. I said if I ever met that person then I would re-evaluate my outlook. Well after tonight I think I might have to do some rethinking. We had started talking and immediately started clicking and that's scary. I mean we actually do alot of the same things and we work in the same field. According to her I was saying all the right things, she knows my living situation, my marital status, my personal preference towards females. She is gassing me up like you wouldn't believe.

We start dancing and all the while I am thinking she is Latina when she's actually Black. I like her rhythm on the dance floor, she likes mine. I monopolized her time the entire night she was there just talking about nonsense and I enjoyed it.

She is stuck in my mind and I truly cannot can't get her out. Now part of me says that is a good thing but another part of me says that it is a bad thing. I will only talk about the bad. It's bad because I know what will happen to my psyche, it will become fried and I will not be able to think straight. I have to be sure and keep my head otherwise I will end up help paying for education, medical bills, car payments and insurance, rent.......I think you see my point. Red Kyrptonite is what makes Superman mortal and vulnerable to all of the elements. I hope this woman doesn't do the same to me otherwise it could mean the death of Mr. Venom.

It is now official.....

I was told that one day my mouth was gonna get me in some kind of trouble, it did. Since my man Slish gave you a breif synopsis of my saga I will try to go into detail the best that I can.

On the phone with Au Natural and we are talking about the upcoming weekend. She is steady pounding me in the head (no pun intended) about sexing her up and spemding the night during the week. Now if I didn't mention she lives in Brooklyn and if anybody out there knows there is no quick way to Brooklyn. I live approximately 25 miles away from her and it takes me 45 minutes to 1 hour on a good day. I had a bad day and I swear it took me two hours to get home.

Well she wants me to spend the night there during the week and leave for work in the morning. I work in Manhattan which is really no big deal however she works late and stays up late. I wake up at 5:30am in the morning and go to bed early (10:30-11pm). Where I live is quiet, where she lives you need ear plugs to get a decent nights sleep. She has a full size bed, I have a queen size bed. The point I am trying to make is that I am more comfortable where I live versus where she lives which is why I do not stay over there during the week.

Okay back to our conversation, I told her that I decided to come over to break her off. But I made sure to say that I WILL NOT be staying the night. Though she did not like the circumstances, she agreed because she was horny. This is where I error, I proceed to continously tell her about not staying the night and do not continously ask me because it annoys the hell out of me. I go into the reasons why I do not come over during the week and why I do not get a good night's sleep. I then tell her that coming over is like a chore. Immediate silence follows. She tells me "Venom do not have to worry about ever spending the night again", I tell her "fine". She tells me "Venom I am pissed and will be in touch", I say "Okay" and the phone call ends.

Next morning I call her to apologize for the comment, she is still pissed and through with me. Slish, as always, is there to giggle is ass off.

Am I truly sorry about what I said....."Yes". Did I lose a nights sleep over what I said......"No". Will I call her again...."No". Do I care what her personal opinion is of me because of what I said?........"No". Now what's my mutha fuggin' name.......MR. VENOM.

A Birth Day

A few years ago a male baby was born on November 21st at 6:35pm at Johnson City Hospital in Johnson City, New York and he has been raising hell ever since.

Yes today is my birthday and I decided to take the day off from work. Received birthday wishes from my future ex-wife Miss Tiff, my parents, Baby L, Au Natural, Big Sexy and an old coworker Flower who said that I will always hold a place in her heart.

I haven't bought myself a gift in awhile so I think I will purchase the new XBox 360 that comes out 11/22/05. I will also get this new CD Player installed in my car if all goes well at Best Buy.

My cousin Fat Dave called me today so I need to call him back and see what he is up to. I'll get some cake and some more birthday wishes and think about my life and where it is or isn't heading.

THE HARD GRIND

Why do some woman want to cuddle when on their period? Better yet why do some woman want to make out when on their period? Even better why do woman suddenly have a toothache when on their period when making out? These are questions that I was asking myself when I was with Au Natural over the past weekend. She was on her rag and she wanted to fool around. Fooling around for me is getting my brain washed, shining the helmet, lollipopping.....I think you get my drift. So I was over there watching the Giants get their ass handed to them by the Vikings and Au Natural climbs on top of me. Now she talks more than enough shit. " Oh Mr. Venom I'm do this to you and do that to you and you'll be saying my name...rah rah rah". That will never happen. It's never been so good that I have said any females name. I'll them it's tight, I'll tell them it's wet, hell I will tell that's good but I have never told them whose dick it is.

Anyway we start kissing because she is sexy when she wants to be and then next thing that happens is THE HARD GRIND. So I respond because I am thinking well at least I can get some head since she is on her period. Nope. That's all I got is the hard grind and I fell for it hook line and sucker like I was some teenager whose never even seen, smell or sampled the pussy. I'm am truly disgusted with myself.

There is absolutely zero need to even vigorously make out when you ain't going to be able to release the hounds. Why bother? Your dick gets so hard that your balls hurt for 1hour 25 minutes and 10 seconds.....according to scientific studies.

With that said don't bother to do anything when your lady is on her rag, otherwise you may need a pack of ICY/HOT to get you through the rest of the evening.

ANAL PART TOO?

This post is in response to the "anonymous" comment.

I am definitely a hypocrite. What is good for the goose is definitely not good for the gander.

Many moons ago when I was a college student I had to take a visit to the emergency room. I was experiencing sharp pains in my chest that literally brought me to tears, I thought I was having a heart attack because the pain was so bad my father ended up taking me to the hospital emergency room. I got admitted and they started performing the routine tests and get to THE test that is most troubling. They had to check my prostate gland. Now there is only ONE WAY to check the prostate and its thru the ass.

When the doctor said " Son I need you to turn to your side...". I started to tear up again. I looked at my father, who was in the fucking room, and with pleading eyes said "Help me". He just shrugged. Mutha fucka I am your son and this white man who seems to have big fingers is going to put a gloved, greased hand up my ass and all you can do is shrug?!?!?!? And what the fuck does chest pain have to do with my ass?!?!?!? SHIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT !!!!!!!!!!!!

People he brought out KY Jelly, the rubber glove and a determined look. He was going to get at my ass one way or another. That finger went up there and I swear I started to reach for shit that wasn't even there. Here's a better mental picture. Have you ever seen a dog take a shit, the back is arched and tense, the legs are doing an alternating slow walk away from the dookie, that is what I looked like. It was a most unpleasant experience. I swear if I ever have to have my prostate checked, I hope I have diarrhea that day because I am gonna shit all over the fucking doctor's arm.

Two things that I learned that evening. The first is that I am definitely not homosexual and the second is that if you have a pain in your chest do not get admitted to the emergency room otherwise you'll get screwed.

Here's your moment Slish fire away...

Have you tried anal sex?

I was having a discussion with my future ex-wife about the subject recently and this is what she said " It would take alot of weed and alot of alcohol to get me loosen up back there....even then it may not happen" Why is that? I mean I know it is mostly an exit hole let's get serious if you were really hot for the guy you were with why not just bust out the KY jelly and start the party. I honestly can say that it is like a tight pussy. The holes are so close together that you can have a finger in the ass and a finger inside the pussy and rub the two fingers together.....so I've heard.

Okay maybe I know more than I heard. So I've had my finger up a few female asses. Fellas there are more ladies out there that actually like it but don't want to admit it.Out of fear they don't want to be viewed as a freak. Whatever happens behind bedroom doors is between you and that other person. But you must introduce that act very SLOWLY. Tickle it with a feather first if you have to. I know a woman who has let somebody lick her asshole and didn't stop him. I have not gone that far and I can tell you that I probably will not. Ofcourse I said the same thing when it came to eating a lady out.....so go figure.

Okay to do it properly the first time you need alcohol, a lubricate(preferably KY Jelly) and a willing woman. The willing woman is the most important part. There may be some begging, mostly from the woman telling you to take it easy, but take heed and don't go in forcefully. You must move your fingers in a circular motion before jamming it in. While this motion is taking place be sure to properly eat what's on you plate it will make for a most pleasureable experience.

On the final note please use your opposite hand. I use my left one because I am right handed. And also have some handy wipes or Puricell near by just in case someone likes to suck fingers.

Tah tah for now bitches.

She didn't last. Tiffany went down both literally and figuratively. She called me right afterwards to tell me so. She didn't want to tell because she knew I would chastise her and she was right I did. Christ I think I may need to find someone else to corrupt.

I was with Au Natural over the weekend, she's funny. She will, on occasion, ask me about what me and Slish talk about. Apparently her and her homegirl Barney's speak more about the men they are dealing with then they let on. She will never ever hear from my mouth what me and Slish talk about, besides I am no fucking gossip and its probably one of the reasons why Slish and I are good friends.

I think Au Natural likes me more than she lets on. We are both Scorpios so it makes for interesting conversations especially when one of us is trying to make their position known. She absolutely hates my sarcasm not because it is rude it's just that it out does her own. I know I can be a difficult person but I have told her numerous times that the sarcasm only comes out when I hear some nutty shit.

For instance I met her in the Village on Friday for a quick meal. She orders mussels(?) and I have the fresh mozzarella. She then proceeds to tell me that I should try the mussels, I tell her that I don't like mussels. She then says "I ordered the mussels for you and I to eat you should have told me you don't like mussels". I cock my head and then say "You should have asked first if I liked them or not before ordering a meal for the both of us". The next evening when we met she tells her co-workers what I said and twists the story to her benefit. Shit like that has happened on more than one occasion.

Sweet girl and I do like her but there times when she gets on my nerves. She feels that since she likes me that we automatically have the same interest even though she has admitted that I am very different from what she is used. There are women out there quick to pre-judge a brother or make assumptions based on what they think they know and not on what they really know. Why is that? I know this is a "bullshit" post but damn I needed to get this out. I'll guarantee the next one will be sexual.

I call my friend, Tiffany, last night while I was on a dinner date with Au Natural. I went to college with Tiffany and we try to keep in contact with each other through out the years. Anyway she is a recently divorced, sexy, caramel brown sista gainfully employed but she needs help. Apparently her ex-husband hasn't been giving to her how she likes it in her brief marriage and now that she is legally single she is on a fucking tear.

Currently she is messing with this one victim who we will call LM (Lil' Man). From what I know he is about 25-26 years old and is a analyst for a financial company and loves older woman. She has this poor boy strung and I am partly to blame because I encourage her behavior.

The question I have is this, I know that men and women mature at a differents periods in our lives, but if you ladies have been without good sex for quite some time due to a comitted relationship, personal choices or whatever when the hell kind of fire is burning inside you when you start having it again. I have had some conversations with this Tiffany and let me tell I have gotten horny as shit just listening to her. Mind you we never had phone sex but Jesus Christ after speaking with her sometimes I gotta go stick my dick in the freezer to cool off.

So she is mad at her jump off, LM, because he doesn't understand his position in her life, stunt cock. He is trying to set some boundaries and rules on how they will deal with each other in the future and she is not having it, however LM is adept at hitting her spots and next week her red-headed friend will be in town for a week. So like a good sponsor at an AA meeting I have been keeping tabs on her so she doesn't break down and break the glass for emergency dick. Being that her son is on town for the weekend that will help defer the urgency however, her son is 15 and capable of staying home while mommy is out looking for her daddy and and by the way her new "toy" is not strong enough to do the job properly.

So far I have told her two things;

1) Invest in a better toy
2) Invest alot of money in a better toy

I don't think she will last. Those that read this blog give a brutha some suggestions before she goes down (no pun intended). Also tell me ladies and any of you fellas as well tell me what your experiences are when having this problem that effects millions; MEDIOCRE SEX FOR SOME TIME AND THEN YOU GET THE GOOD STUFF AND YOU FORGOT HOW TO ACT.

To the scorned and lonely woman that left the anonymous message and probably believes everything should be handed to her on a silver platter, 90 dollars was just for the games that were bowled it doesn't include other aspects of the evening like eating and drinking but hey thanks for the love and this current post subject.

"FIRST DATES"

Being that this is the year 2005 what is proper etiquette for a first date. Does the person who does the asking pay?, Do you go Dutch or does the man always pay. Why can't it be a Dutch event on the first time, not necessarily mandatory 50/50 but ladies if you truly like the guy and both of you are in a "getting to know you stage" why not subsidize some of the costs. If first impressions are some damn important then it should go both ways. I've listen to numerous women say that ".....I went out with this guy and he didn't do this and he didn't do that.....blah blah blah.....Mr. Venom I have come to expect to expect certain things done when I meet a man and if he doesn't do them the I don't want to be bothered".

On the first date !?! This guy knows you about as much as you know him. What if the guy were to say ".....You know we went here and we went there and if I don't get at least kiss goodnight after this then I am done with this broad...." a lot of you ladies would be pissed and call us men misogynist pigs.

The point is this there are certain things people do and don't do when meeting someone new. And spending money like it's going out of style shouldn't be one of them. Guess what? There are things out there people are trying to accomplish that requires them to actually maintain a budget. And if they go beyond that budget that they set for themselves, you may be affecting that persons future plans because you didn't eat where you wanted to eat or drink as much as you wanted to drink or whatever the case may be. Spending money doesn't always equate to how much a person likes you, don't get it twisted.

And on the final note, I was the one asked out and there were some things that the lady did pay for even though it was not 50/50 distribution.